Paper Bullets
by RataOlryd
Summary: Same ol, same ol turned musical. A few added scenes to explain some of those pesky "unknowns" in the original. Set in present day Canada, the prairies to be specific. Rating due to language. Disclaimer: I own none of the songs and, obviously, none of the characters. No infringement of any kind intended. A note on the format: Would be meant to be a series in several episodes.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters and, especially, none of the songs. No infringement intended.

This is meant to be a series in several episodes. Each will begin with an intro meant to reflect the general tone of that particular episode.

The story is set in present day in the amazing prairies of Canada. One final word of warning: some of the dialogue is in Spanish, there is always a translation following so don't despair if you do not understand, just keep your eyes open and you will find the translation. The script formatting is slightly off but try not to hold that against me, most word processors don't allow for easy exact editing of scripts.

Enjoy!

_EXT. PARK. DAY._

Start "Read my Mind" by The Killers.

PEDRO, LEONATO, HERO, BENEDICT, BEATRICE, CLAUDIO and JOHN gather around the jungle gym. JOHN is sullen throughout. All singing.

HERO

_On the corner of main street Just tryin' to keep it in line You say you wanna move on and You say I'm falling behind_

BEATRICE

_Can you read my mind? Can you read my mind?_

BENEDICT

_I never really gave up on Breakin' out of this two-star town I got the green light I got a little fight I'm gonna turn this thing around_

BEATRICE

_Can you read my mind? Can you read my mind?_

LEONATO

_The good old days, the honest man;_

PEDRO

_The restless heart, the Promised Land_

CLAUDIO

_A subtle kiss that no one sees;_

JOHN

_A broken wrist and a big trapeze_

ALL

_Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind 'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine. Before you go, can you read my mind?_

BEATRICE

_It's funny how you just break down Waitin' on some sign I pull up to the front of your driveway with magic soakin' my spine_

CLAUDIO

_Can you read my mind? Can you read my mind?_

BEATRICE

_The teenage queen, the loaded gun;_

HERO

_The drop dead dream, the Chosen One_

LEONATO

_A southern drawl, a world unseen;_

CLAUDIO

_A city wall and a trampoline_

ALL

_Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind 'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine Before you jump Tell me what you find when you read my mind_

BEATRICE

S_lippin' in my faith until I fall_

BENEDICT

_You never returned that call_

HERO

_Woman, open the door, don't let it sting_

CLAUDIO

_I wanna breathe that fire again_

ALL

_She said I don't mind, if you don't mind 'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine_

PEDRO

_Put your back on me_

_Put your back on me_

_Put your back on me_

_The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun _

_When you read my mind_

_Ext. park. day._

A 15 year old BENEDICT sits on a swing, looking angry. He's kicking a bit of dirt, he becomes visibly upset, stands and forcibly kicks a patch of sand. It hits a 15 year old BEATRICE almost in the face.

BEATRICE

Hey! Watch where you're kicking that stuff! It's gross.

BENEDICT

(Sarcastically)

Sorry, your highness.

BEATRICE

Whatever.

( She holds out a calculator to him.)

BEATRICE (CONT)

You dropped this, genius.

BENEDICT

Handing it back to the poor kid who can't afford another one?

BEATRICE

You want it back or not?

BENEDICT

(Taking it back)

Thanks.

BEATRICE

Whatever. You probably can't even turn it on anyway.

BENEDICT

Well we don't all have servants to do our homework for us, your Highness.

BEATRICE

Oh, right, because I must be swimming in money. I probably just forgot about it...well I'm glad you cleared that up, guess I can quit my job at Dairy Queen now, and go get that car I've always wanted.

BENEDICT

You wouldn't know what side the steering wheel is on anyway.

BEATRICE

That's OK though, isn't it? I can probably get my servants to find it for me.

Car honk honks. BEATRICE turns to find LEONATO waiting for her.

BEATRICE

That's my ride. See ya around.

BENEDICT

(Less morosely)

Whatever.

_EXT. LEONATO'S BACKYARD. DAY. _

"15 Years Later" reads on screen.

BEATRICE, now 30, in backyard playing with Dog. HERO, 22, is listening to music with headphones which are blasting. LEONATO comes out to the backyard, looking very serious and semi formally dressed in a light suit and dress jacket. BEATRICE simply wears shorts and a t-shirt, HERO a pretty summer dress. Behind LEONATO, one of his EMPLOYEES comes into sight.

LEONATO

Hero, Beatrice, come with me, Pedro should be here any moment now.

The girls start to move toward the front of the house. HERO seems excited at the prospect, BEATRICE, annoyed. LEONATO stops BEATRICE, obviously not approving something about her.

LEONATO

Beatrice, Pedro's recent naming of Inspector for the region is a great honour, we need to behave accordingly...and dress accordingly.

BEATRICE

(Annoyed)

It's my day off. I'm sorry but why should I dress myself up for a few glorified police officers? Especially when I know at least one of them, will make a joke of the entire proceedings. No, uncle, if you want, I will wait here, but I will not make myself up for what amounts to a few men coming over to your house for a friendly chat and to show off their new titles. It doesn't seem worth it.

LEONATO

Could you at least try to be civilized? These are men from our town, and they've come home with honours which are not easy to come by, we should show our respect.

BEATRICE

I'm sorry if I'm not impressed with a group of men being able to wrestle a moose on the loose.

LEONATO

The job is far more than that; you should be able to understand that full well! Beatrice, at least try a little, please, I'm not asking you to marry any of them, all I'm asking is for you to look decent.

BEATRICE

(Annoyed but capitulating)

Fine. I'll change, but I still think it's too much show for glorified cowboys _sans_ horse. And I do think I'm a little too old to be told what to wear.

BEATRICE walks into the house

EMPLOYEE

Sir?

LEONATO

Right. Good. We'll go.

All walk toward the front of the house.

**EXT. LEONATO'S FRONT YARD. Continuous**

LEONATO (CONT)

Now tell me, I heard Claudio has done well so far.

EMPLOYEE

Oh yes, everyone at the regiment is impressed with him. He has done real well, considering how young he is.

LEONATO

His family here in Messina will be glad to hear that. Have you seen them?

EMPLOYEE

I saw them in town, they apologize for not coming, but they are busy preparing the lodgings for Claudio and the rest. They said that they'll see you tomorrow.

BEATRICE steps out the front door, still barefoot, but now changed to a simple tank and skirt. LEONATO still gives her a look, to which she shrugs her shoulders. HERO stands to the side, looking nervous and fiddling with some imaginary crease in her dress.

LEONATO

Now, Beatrice, before Pedro and his company arrive, I do need you to promise you'll be reasonable.

BEATRICE

I'm always reasonable, when people deserve it.

LEONATO

Beatrice...I'm serious. I don't want any "comments" to fly out of your mouth.

BEATRICE

Why? You think I'm an embarrassment or something?

LEONATO gives her a look.

BEATRICE (CONT)

Fine! I'll try, but that donkey's ass better not come near me!

EMPLOYEE

(to HERO)

Who are they talking about?

HERO

My cousin means Benedict.

EMPLOYEE

(Excited)

Oh! I've met him! So funny!

BEATRICE

(Sarcastic )

Oh good!

Turning to the EMPLOYEE

BEATRICE (CONT)

Well how many moose on the loose did he stop this time around? Did he keep count, because I did promise to eat all the ones he could bring back.

LEONATO

For goodness' sake Beatrice, be civil or be quiet!

EMPLOYEE

(Clueless)

He's a good officer, Miss, and a nice guy.

BEATRICE

I'm sure he's a good officer to any Miss who'll give him the time of day. It might be he's gained some skills since I last saw him, from what I remember, his best one was to clear the table in record time.

EMPLOYEE

As far as being a constable goes, Miss, he is excellent-

LEONATO

You shouldn't argue with her. There is a kind of..."friendly" battle between Benedict and herself, they can never see each other without insults flying between them...in a friendly fashion.

(to BEATRICE)

Am I right?

BEATRICE

I suppose, if you want to call it that. It doesn't matter, it's not like he understands what I say anyway. Last time we met, four fifths of his brain ran away in a panic, and now he's only left with the one part, which only shows him the difference between himself and his horse.

EMPLOYEE

I see, the gentleman is, uhm, "not in your books."

BEATRICE

No; and if he were, I would burn down the library.

EMPLOYEE

(Trying to change the subject)

Well, he seems proper enough to me, and to Claudio, with whom he has been partnered up.

BEATRICE

Really? He will hang upon him like a disease. Poor Claudio! If he has caught "the Benedict", it will cost him a thousand dollars before he'll be cured.

LEONATO

You will never catch this disease, Beatrice?

BEATRICE

No, not until a hot January.

EMPLOYEE

There they are!

Two cars approach. One is a newer truck, the other an older and beat up one. From the new truck exit PEDRO, CLAUDIO and BENEDICT; from the beat up truck exit JOHN, BORACHIO and CONRAD. Only the first three are in uniform. BENEDICT makes eye contact with BEATRICE, and she immediately rolls her eyes and turns her back on him. BENEDICT is obviously annoyed. CLAUDIO and HERO acknowledge each other but try to be subtle. LEONATO stands very tall and stiff before PEDRO, who claps him on the shoulders, urging him to relax.

PEDRO

Leonato, is something wrong? You look so serious.

LEONATO

No trouble, no trouble at all, sir.

PEDRO

Well then, relax, we're friends! Come on! You taught me everything I know. You met me when I couldn't even tie my boot laces properly. Please, don't look like I'm giving you heartburn.

LEONATO makes an effort to relax.

PEDRO (CONT)

Good.

Noticing 's been years since he's seen her and so is surprised.

PEDRO (CONT)

Is this your daughter?

LEONATO

That's what her mother used to tell me.

BENEDICT

Were you in doubt, sir, that you had to ask her?

LEONATO

Benedict, no; back then you were just a boy.

PEDRO

There you go, Benedict, and there's an end to it.

BENEDICT tries to speak up again, but PEDRO gives him a look to be quiet. BEATRICE laughs at him. BENEDICT glares at her.

PEDRO(CONT)

Hero, you really do look like your father, a good looking version of him.

HERO blushes, embarrassed by the attention. LEONATO gestures for them to go inside. All start to follow, BENEDICT speaks and they make an effort to ignore him.

BENEDICT

If Leonato is her father, she would not want to look like him, as like him as she already is.

BEATRICE

I wonder that you will still be talking, Benedict: nobody's listening.

BENEDICT

What, my dear Lady Disdain! Still alive?

BEATRICE

Is it possible disdain should die while she has such good food as Benedict to feed on? I can't imagine what sort of woman could be near you and not scratch your eyes out.

BENEDICT

I wish that were true, unfortunately for me, it seems all women-except for you-find me to be just a peach. Still, I wish they would not because, to tell the truth, I can't love any of them back.

BEATRICE

Well, there's something women can be thankful for, otherwise they would be harassed by an idiot. At least I can thank God that you think that way: I'd rather hear my dog barking at the crows, than a man say he loves me.

BENEDICT

Good, let's hope you never change your mind, otherwise some poor fool will end up with a scratched face!

BEATRICE

Scratching could not make it worse if its your face we're talking about.

BENEDICT

Well, you are a rare parrot.

BEATRICE

A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

BENEDICT

I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and was so good at keeping the pace.

Start "The Truth About Love" by Pink. PEDRO, LEONATO, CLAUDIO, HERO, JOHN, CONRAD, BORACHIO and EMPLOYEE dance in background.

BENEDICT

_The truth about love comes at 3am _

_You wake up fucked up and you grab a pen _

_And you say to yourself I'm gonna figure it out, _

_I'm gonna crack that code _

_Gonna break it break it down_

BEATRICE

_I'm tired of all these questions _

_And, now it's just annoying _

_Cause, no one has the answer _

_So I guess it's up to me _

_To find the truth about love _

_As it comes, and it goes _

_A strange fascination with his lips and toes_

BENEDICT

_Morning breath, bedroom eyes on a smiling face _

_Sheet marks rug burn, and a sugar glaze _

_The shock and the awe that can eat you raw _

_If the truth about love_

CLAUDIO

(To HERO)

_I think it just may be perfect _

_You're the person of my dreams _

_I never ever, ever, ever been this happy_

BENEDICT

(Interrupting disapprovingly)

_But now something has changed and the truth about love is it's all a lie _

_I thought you were the one, and I hate goodbyes_

BEATRICE

_Oh, you want the truth? _

_The truth about love is it's nasty and salty I_

_t's the regret in the morning, it's the smelling of armpits_

HERO

_It's wings, and songs _

_And trees, and birds I_

_t's all the poetry that you ever heard_

BEATRICE

_Terror coup d'etat, life line forget-me-nots _

_It's the hunt and the kill_

BENEDICT

_The schemes and the plots _

_The truth about love is it's blood, and it's guts _

_Purebreds and mutts _

_Sandwiches without the crust _

_It takes your breath, cause it leaves a scar _

_But those untouched never got never got very far_

BEATRICE

_It's rage and it's hate _

_And a sick twist of fate _

_And that's the truth about love _

_The truth about love_

CLAUDIO

_I think it just may be perfect _

_You're the person of my dreams _

_I never ever ever ever been this happy_

BEATRICE

_But now something has changed _

_And The Truth About Love is it's all a lie _

_I thought you were the one, and I hate goodbyes_

BENEDICT

_Oh you can lose your breath and _

_Oh, you can shoot a gun and _

_Convince you're the only one that's ever felt this way before_

BEATRICE

_It hurts inside the hurt within and _

_It folds together pocket thin and _

_It's whispered by the angels' lips and I_

_t can turn you into a son of a bitch man_

ALL TOGETHER

_The truth, the truth, the truth about love is _

_Truth, the truth, the truth about love is _

_Truth, the truth, the truth about love is _

_Truth, the truth, the truth about love is _

_Truth, the truth, the truth about love is _

_Truth, the truth, the truth about love is _

_Truth, the truth, the truth about love is_

All return to original positions. BEATRICE turns to answer BENEDICT, he holds up his hand to her face.

BENEDICT

But, enough! I'm done with you.

BEATRICE

You always end with some stupid remark.

BENEDICT turns to stare at her. They hold each other's eyes, all full of contempt, until PEDRO pulls BENEDICT back.

PEDRO

Thank you, for that. As for the rest of us, Leonato and Claudio's family have arranged for us to stay right here in town, at least while we sort out the housing permanently. He has extended his welcome-

(to JOHN, harshly)

to all of us.

JOHN holds PEDRO'S eyes for a moment before turning to LEONATO and smiling. He is not very convincing and is clearly uncomfortable.

LEONATO

I know you've had a falling out with your brother but, seeing as how you've patched things up, you are welcome as well.

JOHN

Thank you. I'm usually not...very eloquent but, thank you.

Awkward silence. BENEDICT and BEATRICE still glare at each other. LEONATO heads back and leads BEATRICE away. BENEDICT, looking frustrated, turns around and walks back to the end of the driveway. Everyone follows LEONATO, except for CLAUDIO, who turns to follow BENEDICT.

CLAUDIO

Benedict? Did you see Hero?

BENEDICT

I guess I saw her, but I didn't really look at her.

BENEDICT mutters angrily under his breath.

CLAUDIO

Is she not a...uhm...well...good looking girl?

BENEDICT

Do you want to know my honest opinion or are you going to twist my words so that they sound like they came from an ass?

CLAUDIO

No; I'm asking honestly.

BENEDICT

Well then...I think she's not tall enough for a high praise, not smart enough for a thoughtful phrase and generally...if she looked different she would not be attractive but, as she looks I don't really like her.

CLAUDIO

I'm not kidding! What do you think about her?

BENEDICT

What? You're looking to buy her or something?

CLAUDIO

Can the world buy such a jewel?

BENEDICT

Yeah...and a case to stick her in afterwards.

He goes back to sulking for a few seconds, then realizes what CLAUDIO is on about

BENEDICT (CONT)

but... wait a second...are you serious? You have no actual interest in her...have you?

CLAUDIO

Well...in my opinion... she's...I...she...she is the best thing I've ever seen.

BENEDICT

(Rolling his eyes both at the feeling and the choice of words)

Well...I don't need glasses yet and I can't see what you're on about. There is her cousin, Beatrice, if she weren't possessed by the devil she would be ten times as attractive as Hero. But still, you never answered my question: you have no serious interest in her, have you?

CLAUDIO

I know I've said before I haven't but...now...I'm...not sure...

BENEDICT

Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to do with you now? You're not going to start writing poetry and singing about love are you? I can't work with you if you're going to be all flowers and corny songs.

PEDRO is seen walking toward them. BENEDICT smiles knowingly, CLAUDIO panics. BENEDICT starts running toward PEDRO. CLAUDIO tries to catch up with him to stop him.

PEDRO

What's keeping you two?

BENEDICT

I think you should order me to tell you, sir.

PEDRO

(Smiling knowingly)

Really? Well then, I charge you.

BENEDICT

(to CLAUDIO)

You see? I can be quiet as the grave but... I am being ordered to speak.

(To PEDRO)

He is in love. With who? That's your question, sir, and get a hold of his answer: with Hero, Leonato's short daughter!

PEDRO

Really? Well good for you! She's a very pretty girl.

CLAUDIO

You're just saying that to make fun of me, sir.

PEDRO

No. Really, it's the truth.

CLAUDIO

And I spoke the truth as well. I feel I love her.

PEDRO

Well, I know that she is worth it.

BENEDICT

Well, I neither think she's worth much and I know I would never love her.

PEDRO

Yes, but you have always been allergic to love, Benedict.

BENEDICT

Well, that my mother conceived me, I thank her. That the same woman, raised me, I also give her humble thanks; but that I'll willingly march down an aisle and condemn myself to life in prison...all women will excuse me. It's not my fault, they cannot be trusted: they're crazy, emotional, taking offence every time someone speaks...no, thank you. And I know I'll suffer for it and my punishment will be to live a bachelor in peace and quiet. I will die before I change my mind.

PEDRO

I'll see you before I die, look all sick in love.

BENEDICT

Sick in anger, in hunger or...well in sickness...never in love.

PEDRO

Well, we'll see, with time the horse does learn to take the bridle.

BENEDICT

The horse may but the level-headed Benedict never will.

PEDRO

Who knows? You may fall for it shortly.

BENEDICT

I'll look for an earthquake too, then.

PEDRO

In any case...Benedict, go inside and tell Leonato we'll be back tonight. He's organized quite the welcome party and we'll all be there.

BENEDICT

I suppose I can manage that.

(To CLAUDIO)

And you...examine your conscience.

BENEDICT walks back to the house. He catches sight of BEATRICE in the backyard, once again playing with Dog. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes, then goes inside. CLAUDIO and PEDRO walk to the shade of a tree in the front yard. CLAUDIO is nervous and PEDRO is slightly amused.

CLAUDIO

Sir? Would you...maybe...help me out, maybe?

PEDRO

With whatever you want. All you have to do is ask.

CLAUDIO

Does Leonato have any sons?

PEDRO

(Confused)

No...Hero is his only child...she inherits everything. Does that matter, Claudio?

CLAUDIO

Oh well...no, I suppose...Look, when I first left Messina, I already knew her. We went to school together, all our lives...and I guess I had...noticed her...but at the time I was a little more concerned about my training, but ever since we heard we would be back, for good, I've...well...I guess I've been thinking about her, more and more...I did already like her before I left so now...

CLAUDIO keeps talking but his words fade. PEDRO looks like he is indulging CLAUDIO by pretending to be engrossed by his words.

**EXT. PARK. DAY. 15 years earlier.**

7 year old HERO, sits on the swings in a park. An 8 year old CLAUDIO walks up to her, but doesn't really have anything to say.

HERO

(After waiting for him to speak)

You're being weird.

CLAUDIO

I...didn't...uhm...

HERO

Are you going to start pulling my hair again?

CLAUDIO

I never ...just...

Car honk honks. HERO turns to see BEATRICE getting out of a car, it's driven by BENEDICT.

HERO

I have to go, that's my cousin.

CLAUDIO doesn't really make much of a move and mutters something under his breath.

HERO

See you tomorrow.

HERO walks to the car and gets in the back seat. CLAUDIO, looking defeated, kicks some dirt and then a post. HERO reaches the car and climbs into the backseat. BEATRICE stares back at CLAUDIO, who is still kicking the post in frustration and anger.

BEATRICE

He's not pulling your hair again, is he?

HERO

No, not really. He kept trying to talk to me today, he was being weird.

BEATRICE

No, he was being a boy: a little bit stupid-

BENEDICT

Hey!

BEATRICE

-but not particularly dangerous.

HERO

Is he going to stop it?

BEATRICE

That's up to you, Hero. Do you want him to stop it?

HERO

I'm not sure.

BEATRICE

Well, you best make up your mind first.

HERO

What would you do?

BEATRICE

Me? I would kick him to the curb...probably...but you are a much sweeter kid than I ever was.

BENEDICT

No kidding.

BEATRICE

Well, if I am...harsh...it's only because some people deserve it.

BENEDICT

I hardly think anyone ever really dared cross you on purpose, you probably would have set them on fire with one of those looks of yours.

BEATRICE

If one of my looks ever set anyone on fire they had it coming.

BENEDICT

Yeah, because just looking sideways at you is enough for Lady Disdain to take offence.

BEATRICE

Well, lucky for you, then, a match to your face would do it no harm, it might even improve it.

HERO

(Purposefully interrupting)

Can we get some ice-cream? It's getting...weird...in here.

BEATRICE

Fine. But you never did answer my question.

HERO

Which one?

BEATRICE

Do you want Claudio to stop pestering you, or not?

HERO

Well...I'm not sure. I kind of like it but-he just gets real weird.

BENEDICT

Well, one day, you might not mind the weird so much.

HERO

What is that supposed to mean?

BEATRICE

Nothing. He means nothing. And Hero, you need to find another word other than "weird", you're being redundant.

HERO

Fine.

A few seconds of silence.

HERO(CONT)

Beatrice? I don't really want him to stop but...I wish we could be like you and Ben.

BEATRICE

What do you mean? Friends?

HERO

You're just...friends? I thought you were like...boyfriends and girlfriends and stuff...

BENEDICT

(Choking back a cough and laughing nervously)

Whatever gave you the impression we were anything other than friends? Just because I drive you back home and sometimes to school and well, on occasion, have supper with your cousin and, rarely, go out in public and, well...almost never-

BEATRICE

(Annoyed and mildly disappointed)

What Benedict means, Hero, is that we are just friends.

HERO

So you don't like...hold hands and stuff?

BEATRICE

No. No holding hands and stuff.

BENEDICT

(Still nervous)

Yeah...no...stuff...never...stuff. Well, who wants ice-cream?

**EXT. LEONATO'S FRONT YARD. DAY. PRESENT DAY. **

CLAUDIO is still talking but his words cannot be made out. PEDRO claps him on the shoulders and stops him from talking.

PEDRO

Oh my God! You'll be like a little puppy in love soon and howl away at the moon! If you like Hero,you should let her know. I know there will be a celebration tonight. I'll talk to Hero, eloquently, tell her about your feelings. I'll convince her you're the right man for her and, in the end, she will be yours.

CLAUDIO

Oh my...sir...You...You're the best! But...uhm...I mean, isn't it a little too soon? I did just get back in town today and I would have of waited a reasonable amount of time before even thinking about-

PEDRO

"What need the bridge much broader than the flood"?

CLAUDIO is clueless.

PEDRO (CONT)

Look, you like her now and I will get you a remedy now. There will be enough time, in the future, to talk with her and all, but how can you ever expect to start if you never make a move? Come on, let's go in, we'll talk about this later.

PEDRO and CLAUDIO go back to the house. JOHN and CONRAD come out of the house, presumably to smoke. JOHN looks like he has a bad case of heartburn, and CONRAD looks like he is already slightly drunk.

CONRAD

Well, it's good to see you. You look like the year has treated you well. Why are you so upset?

JOHN

I have no particular reason to be upset, it would seem, therefore I am infinitely upset.

CONRAD

You should be more reasonable.

JOHN

(Upset)

And when I have been, what good has come of it?

CONRAD

If not a cure, at least patience.

JOHN

You of all people should spare me. You know full well, I can't hide what I am. I can never be called an honest man but, at least I am no hypocrite: I'll be sad whenever I have cause and I won't laugh at another man's bad joke, sleep when I'm tired and wait for no one to do as I please; laugh when I feel like it and not kiss any man's ass.

Start "Natives" by Blink 182. JOHN sings all except for chorus, which is sung by a younger JOHN-around 12 years old, who is now sitting on the grass, playing.

JOHN

_I'm like a cat in a cage, locked up and battered and bruised _

_I am the prodigal son, a shameful prodigy too _

_I am the love of your life, battering ram and confused_

_I turn each day into night, I stand there waiting for you _

_There is desire to fight, but I have nothing to prove _

_With the crowd and some lights, _

_I start to feel things move _

_Do you have something to hide? _

_'Cause I think that we all do_

_I am a child inside, back up and give me some room _

_I'm just a bastard child, don't let it go to your head _

_I'm just a waste of your time, maybe I'm better off dead _

_You turn us loose in the night, I'm fucking Jekyll and Hyde _

_We'll have the time of our lives although we're dying inside_

YOUNG JOHN

_So let me go, go _

_So let me go, go _

_Just let me go, go _

_I'd rather go in alone _

_So let me go, go _

_So let me go, go _

_Just let me go, go I_

_'m never coming home_

JOHN

_Don't start to panic for me, 'cause I have nothing to lose I_

_am as bright as the sun, I burn up all that I choose _

_Upon the side of a field _

_I see a city with lights I_

_touch her face and I kneel, she tells me she's not alive _

_I am too nervous to run, like kids who scatter and hide _

_To reach and grab for someone, but end up buried alive _

_A world is waiting for me, a road that I rarely use_

_I start to feel my feet, they kick down walls as they move _

_I'm just a bastard child, don't let it go to your head _

_I'm just a waste of your time, maybe I'm better off dead _

_You turn us loose in the night, I'm fucking Jekyll and Hyde _

_We'll have the time of our lives although we're dying inside_

YOUNG JOHN

_So let me go, go _

_So let me go, go_

_Just let me go, go I'd rather go in alone _

_So let me go, go _

_So let me go, go _

_Just let me go, go _

_I'm never coming home_

JOHN

_I'm just a bastard child, don't let it go to your head I_

_'m just a waste of your time, maybe I'm better off dead _

_You turn us loose in the night, I'm fucking Jekyll and Hyde _

_We'll have the time of our lives although we're dying inside_

BOTH

_So let me go, go _

_So let me go, go _

_Just let me go, go I'd rather go in alone _

_So let me go, go _

_So let me go, go _

_Just let me go, go _

_I'm never coming home_

As the song ends, YOUNG JOHN sits under a tree close to CONRAD and JOHN.

CONRAD

Of course, but you have to be careful what you do now. You recently did try to get your brother discredited, disobeyed him, and it didn't go well for you. He's given you the equivalent of a slap on the wrist by only suspending you and not arresting you. You should at least try to seem grateful-

JOHN

(Slamming CONRAD into a wall)

I would rather be rotting in jail than be allowed to live in his shadow. I have not been spared, but bound and gagged and allowed to do what? To go with him? To be kept watch by him? I'm like his pet dog with a muzzle, so, at least let me be honest about what I am and don't you dare try to change my mind about it.

CONRAD

Yes but...can't you find a way to use your anger...

JOHN

There's nothing else I can use.

Front door is thrown open. JOHN releases CONRAD and turns to see who it is. It's BORACHIO.

JOHN (CONT)

Borachio! Where have you been?

BORACHIO

I was mingling, and I can tell you stories...

JOHN

Will any of them screw around with my brother?

BORACHIO

Depends how you use them. I heard that you brother intends to help one of his "good men" to get a girl.

JOHN

Who would be so stupid?

BORACHIO

Your brother's little right hand pet.

JOHN

Claudio? A very proper lap dog! And which...way...does he look?

BORACHIO

On Hero, Leonato's daughter.

JOHN

A high enough mark, I suppose. Well, we'll put this to good use. That stupid boy is, more than anyone, responsible for my suspension, if I can harm him any way I'll consider myself blessed. Come on, we'll go to this dinner tonight, they'll be less suspicious now that my mood is a little better. You'll both help me?

CONRAD

(With a mock military salute)

To the death!

JOHN

Then let's go back in, we'll see what we'll do about this later.

JOHN, CONRAD and BORACHIO head back inside. YOUNG JOHN stands up.

Follow YOUNG JOHN as he walks down the drive way, he turns and almost runs into a 20 year old PEDRO.

** . DAY. 20 YEARS EARLIER.**

The farmhouse is run down and looking beaten up. JOHN glares at PEDRO, who tries to stop and talk to him.

PEDRO

John, would you please wait?

He catches up to YOUNG JOHN and holds his arm. JOHN shoves PEDRO off but stays put.

PEDRO(CONT)

Just talk to me, John. You always used to before.

JOHN

That was before you decided to make a run for it and leave me behind.

PEDRO

You can't seriously think that. John, this is...this is the best thing that can happen to me, ever. You can't seriously want me to stay in this stupid town with...

PEDRO looks to the farmhouse.

JOHN

No...you'll go. And leave me here, alone!

PEDRO

I can't choose were to get the training, John! Do you think I wanted to leave you here alone? It's just for six months, a year, at the most. I'll come back, I promise.

JOHN

No, you won't.

PEDRO

How do you know?

JOHN

I wouldn't.

PEDRO

(Sad)

It's a good think I'm not you then.

JOHN

What am I supposed to do now? You know what he's like.

PEDRO

I know. I'm sorry, John, I really am. Look, he'll leave you alone, for the most part. You know that. Just stay out of his way. In a few years you can-

JOHN

Can what? Follow you? You'd just love that, wouldn't you? So I can keep following you around like a lost puppy?

PEDRO

John, it's the best option the likes of us can hope for!

JOHN

I'm sorry if I don't look forward to becoming some stupid Canadian's lapdog.

PEDRO

I thought you loved being Canadian.

JOHN

I love being anything other than what our father is.

PEDRO

Look just...don't be like this. So angry, all the time. You know that makes you more like him than anything.

JOHN

Don't you dare say that!

PEDRO is about to reply when the front door to the house opens. John and Pedro's FATHER steps out. He is a big man, much bigger than either boy. He stares straight at JOHN and yells.

FATHER

_Juan! Que te dije, pendejo? Te me vas a guardar las vacas, o te llevo? Andale, animal, y deja en paz a tu hermano, tiene mejores cosas que hacer que perder el tiempo contigo._

(John! What did I tell you, you idiot? Are you going to get the cows or do I have to take you? Go on, you moron, and leave your brother alone. He has better things to do than waste his time with you)

PEDRO

_Dejalo en paz. Ya iba. Nada mas estamos platicando._

(Leave him alone. We're just talking.)

FATHER

_Mira, Pedro, deja de defender a Juan. No te creas que porque eres un pinche "RCMP" que no te agarro igual que a el. Juan, te me vas con las vacas; Pedro, que no tienes que empacar?_

(Look, Pedro, stop defending John. Don't think that because you are a friggin' RCMP that I won't give it to you just like him. John, you go with the cows; Pedro, don't you have packing to do?)

They stand around in silence. JOHN is glaring at his FATHER. PEDRO looks worried. Finally, JOHN turns and walks away. PEDRO watches JOHN go.

FATHER

_Dejalo en paz, Pedro. Nunca va a cambiar, el pendejo salio malo._

(Leave him alone, Pedro. He'll never change. The asshole came out wrong.)

PEDRO

(Angry)

_Quiza, pero tu no lo ayudas._

(Maybe but, you don't help.)

FATHER

_Subete a empacar, antes de que te toque a ti igual que a tu hermano._

(Go pack, before you get it like your brother.)

PEDRO goes inside. In the distance, JOHN is herding some cows into a paddock.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters and, especially, none of the songs. No infringement intended.

This is meant to be a series in several episodes. Each will begin with an intro meant to reflect the general tone of that particular episode.

The story is set in present day in the amazing prairies of Canada. One final word of warning: some of the dialogue is in Spanish, there is always a translation following so don't despair if you do not understand, just keep your eyes open and you will find the translation. The script formatting is slightly off but try not to hold that against me, most word processors don't allow for easy exact editing of scripts.

Enjoy!

EXT. PARK. DAY.

Start "Closer" by Teegan and Sara. CLAUDIO, HERO, BENEDICT and BEATRICE.

HERO

_All I want to get is a little bit closer_

_All I want to know is, can you come a little closer?_

BEATRICE

_Here comes the breath before we get a little bit closer_

_Here comes the rush before we touch, come a little closer_

CLAUDIO

_The doors are open, the wind is really blowing_

_The night sky is changing overhead_

BENEDICT

_It's not just all physical_

_I'm the type who won't get oh so critical_

_So let's make things physical_

_I won't treat you like you're oh so typical_

_I won't treat you like you're oh so typical_

BEATRICE

_All you think of lately is getting underneath me_

BENEDICT

_All I dream of lately is how to get you underneath me_

HERO

_Here comes the heat before we meet a little bit closer_

CLAUDIO

_Here comes the spark before the dark, come a little closer_

ALL

_The lights are off and the sun is finally setting_

_The night sky is changing overhead_

_It's not just all physical_

_I'm the type who won't get oh so critical_

_So let's make things physical_

_I won't treat you like you're oh so typical_

BENEDICT/CLAUDIO

_I want you close, I want you_

HERO/BEATRICE

_I won't treat you like you're typical_

BENEDICT/CLAUDIO

_I want you close, I want you_

HERO/BEATRICE

_I won't treat you like you're typical_

CLAUDIO

_Here come the dreams of you and me_

_Here come the dreams_

_Here come the dreams of you and me_

_Here come the dreams_

BEATRICE

_It's not just all physical_

_I'm the type who won't get oh so critical_

_So let's make things physical_

_I won't treat you like you're oh so typical_

HERO/BEATRICE

_I want you close, I want you_

BENEDICT/CLAUDIO

_I won't treat you like you're typical_

HERO/BEATRICE

_I want you close, I want you_

BENEDICT/CLAUDIO

_I won't treat you like you're typical_

ALL

_I won't treat you like you're typical_

_I won't treat you like you're typical_

_All I want to get is a little bit closer_

_All I want to know is, can you come a little closer?_

INT. HOTEL. DAY.

The HOTEL is where the company is staying for the moment. There is a room that is being used for a welcome party LEONATO has organized for the men. BEATRICE and HERO are busy helping to set up, while LEONATO and ANTONIO are sitting in a corner having a drink. They are wearing costumes, which will consist mostly of masks.

LEONATO

Wasn't John at supper?

ANTONIO

I didn't see him.

BEATRICE

I can never see him without feeling like I've got…heartburn.

HERO

He is of a very…melancholy… disposition.

BEATRICE

That's putting it mildly…you know, if there were a way to combine John and Benedict, the result would be a nice enough man: one is like a pet rock: just there; the other, too much like a little boy: always talking.

LEONATO

So you would have half of Benedict's tongue in John's mouth and half of John's moodiness in Benedict's face—

BEATRICE

And he should be a good dancer, and rich; such a man would win any woman in the world, if he could convince her of it, of course.

LEONATO

Christ, Beatrice, you'll never find a man if you keep talking like that.

BEATRICE

A blessing for which I give thanks morning, noon and night. In any case, I could not possibly endure a man with a beard, I'd rather sleep in the barn!

LEONATO

You could find a man with no beard.

BEATRICE

What should I do with him? Dress him up in one of my dresses and call him my girlfriend? No, uncle: a man with a beard is beyond youth, and one with no beard is less than a man. A man that is beyond youth is not for me, and one that is less than a man, I am not for him.

ANTONIO

Well, Hero, I hope at least you'll listen to your father.

BEATRICE

Oh sure, it's my cousin's job to say "Father, as it please you." But, Hero, let him be good looking, or else go back to your father and say "Father, as it please me."

LEONATO

Well, Beatrice, I hope to see you married one day.

BEATRICE

Not until God makes men of some other material other than earth. Wouldn't it be tragic to be handed off to a piece of dust? No thank you, uncle, I'll have none of that.

LEONATO

In any case, Hero: remember what I've told you about who you should and should not be with.

HERO smiles at her father, but gives BEATRICE a look that shows she needs help out of this situation. BEATRICE steps forward and leads HERO a little ways away, but still close enough for LEONATO to hear.

BEATRICE

Your father is right, Hero: he does know men better than you. And still, remember this: "wooing, wedding and then comes repenting". Make sure you know what you want before you get carried off in the heat of the moment.

LEONATO

And you think you can see everything clearly, Beatrice?

BEATRICE

I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight.

LEONATO shakes his head and walks away. HERO looks relieved and thanks BEATRICE, who goes back to setting out plates and glasses. ANTONIO laughs at the scene.

BEATRICE heads toward a window. She looks outside at the pool, where BENEDICT and CLAUDIO are sitting and drinking. For once, she doesn't roll her eyes, but actually looks sad. As she turns away, BENEDICT looks up at the window and sees her. He keeps his eyes on her for a few moments before turning back to look at CLAUDIO, who is completely oblivious to anything.

EXT. lake. DAY. 11 years earlier.

The pool changes into a lake and 19 year old BENEDICT and BEATRICE enter from the right. It's early morning and they're walking along the shoreline, both of them holding cups of coffee.

BENEDICT

You know, I am going to miss this.

BEATRICE

The humidity, the mosquitoes or the half sand, half mud?

BENEDICT

You know what I mean.

BEATRICE

I know. I'm going to miss this too.

BENEDICT

I suppose promising I'll come back to visit doesn't make much sense.

BEATRICE

Well, why would you? What could possibly keep you coming back to Messina?

BENEDICT

Maybe I'll miss the mosquitoes.

BEATRICE

Or the incredibly flat view.

BENEDICT

Nah, it's the mosquitoes. It's just not an adventure unless you're risking all your blood being sucked out of you anytime you step out the door.

BEATRICE

Don't forget the winter. I'm sure you'll miss it starting in October and ending in May.

BENEDICT

I can always sleep in a freezer, I suppose, just to keep me used to the climate.

BEATRICE

Benedict?

BENEDICT

Yeah?

BEATRICE

I'm going to miss you.

BENEDICT

Come on, let's head back to town. I think we should get good and properly wasted, one last time.

EXT. TOWN. DAY. continuous.

They head back and drive back to town. They stop and buy some beer and liquor. The LIQUOR ATTENDANT gives them a look, but BENEDICT promptly pulls out an ID. They get back in the car and drive out to the park. They sit in the swings and pop open their drinks. They talk (inaudible) and the drinks quickly disappear. They are clearly drunk as BEATRICE starts swinging, and is not very stable.

Ext. park. day. continuous

BEATRICE

(in sing song)

We should go soon, Hero will be out of school soon…soon…

BENEDICT

Well I can't drive…I don't think I can even find the car at this point…soon…

BEATRICE

Come on…we can go back to my place, my uncle is very generous with his basement.

BENEDICT

Not sure he'll apprecitate our state of either one of us now.

BEATRICE

It's early enough he's at work though…Hero will be out of school soon, soon…she won't be home for…a while.

BENEDICT

Oh…does she got a date or somefin?

BEATRICE

Somefin…dunno…some…project or…somefin

They get up and amble the few blocks to LEONATO'S house.

INT. LEONATO'S HOUSE. DAY. CONTINUOUS.

BENEDICT and BEATRICE walk in and plop down on the couch, more out of a lack of coordination than anything else. BENEDICT grabs on to BEATRICE'S hand.

BENEDICT

I'll miss you too.

BEATRICE

(Trying to sound sarcastic but not quite able to get there)

Well, thank you, took you long 'nough.

BENEDICT

I'm no good with words…you know…

BEATRICE

You're good with words, you just lose your nerve when you get…nervous…

BENEDICT

You always have something to say, don't you?

BEATRICE

Maybe...maybe I've just never met a comment I can't shut up and talk to...

BENEDICT

You're drunk.

BEATRICE

You're stupid.

BENEDICT

I know.

The silence that ensues becomes awkward. BEATRICE leans over BENEDICT. They stare at each other.

BENEDICT

Not to sound like an ass but...can we just get to the part where we move this to a more...private part of the house?

BEATRICE

God yes, I thought you'd never ask.

Begin "Can't Keep My Hands Off You" by Simple Plan. BEATRICE and BENEDICT are trying to move toward the basement. They don't make it past the kitchen as clothes start flying off. It should be clear this is happening over a number of days.

BENEDICT

_Oh oh oh_

BEATRICE

_L__et__'__s go_

BENEDICT

_My Fender Strat sits all alone_

_Collecting dust in the corner_

BEATRICE

_I haven__'__t called any of my friends_

_I__'__ve been MIA since last December_

BOTH

_My blackberry__'__s filled up with E-mail_

_My phone calls go straight through to voice mail_

BENEDICT

_'Cause on the street, or under the covers_

_We're stuck like two pieces of Velcro_

BEATRICE

_At the park, in the back of my car_

_It don'__t matter what I do,_

BENEDICT

_No, I can__'__t keep my hands off you_

BEATRICE

_Can__'__t keep my, can__'__t keep my_

BENEDICT

_Can__'__t keep my hands off you_

BEATRICE

_Can__'__t keep my, can__'__t keep my_

BENEDICT

_There__'__s fungus growing in the icebox_

_All I got left are Fruit Roll-Ups_

BEATRICE

_My clothes are six months old_

_But I don'__t care, no, no, no, I don__'__t notice_

BOTH

_My bills pile is so high, it is shocking_

_The repo man just keeps on knocking_

BENEDICT

_'Cause on the street, or under the covers_

_We're stuck like two pieces of Velcro_

BEATRICE

_At the park, in the back of my car_

_It don'__t matter what I do,_

BENEDICT

_No, I can__'__t keep my hands off you_

BEATRICE

_Can__'__t keep my, can__'__t keep my_

BENEDICT

_Can__'__t keep my hands off you_

BEATRICE

_Can__'__t keep my, can__'__t keep my_

BOTH

_Sorry to all my friends and to anyone I offend_

_But I can__'__t help it, no, I can__'__t help it_

BENEDICT

_No, I can__'__t keep my hands off you_

BEATRICE

_Can__'__t keep my, can__'__t keep my_

BENEDICT

_Can__'__t keep my hands off you_

BEATRICE

_Can__'__t keep my, can__'__t keep my_

BOTH

_'Cause on the street, or under the covers_

_We're stuck like two pieces of Velcro (stuck like two pieces of Velcro)_

_At the park, in the back of my car_

_It don'__t matter what I do,_

BENEDICT

_No, I can__'__t keep my hands off you_

BEATRICE

_Can__'__t keep my, can__'__t keep my_

BENEDICT

_Can__'__t keep my hands off you_

BEATRICE

_Can__'__t keep my, can__'__t keep my_

As music fades, BEATRICE and BENEDICT fall asleep.

Cut to

An alarm goes off. BEATRICE opens her eyes and rolls over. She is in her own bed, alone.

Cut to

BENEDICT who is trying (and failing) to find the origin of the alarm. He is back in his own bed and alone as well. BENEDICT finds his phone and shuts off the alarm and drops back to bed.

Cut to

BEATRICE sitting up. They both look severely pleased with each other and they smile.

INT. HOTEL. DUSK. PRESENT DAY.

BEATRICE walks out of the room where she is done setting up. She looks around and spots HERO, sitting at the reception, looking lost in thought. BEATRICE approaches her. HERO doesn't notice.

BEATRICE

Nervous?

HERO

(Jumping out of her skin)

Jesus, Beatrice!

BEATRICE

That's for a guilty conscience to say, Hero.

HERO

Sorry, sorry. I was just, thinking, I guess.

BEATRICE

You guess you were thinking? I would guess you were thinking about something from the look on your face or maybe, someone?

HERO

(Embarrassed)

I just spaced out there for a second.

BEATRICE

Oh, God...next you'll be singing to yourself and doodling little hearts on any poor piece of paper within reach!

HERO

It's just been...well, I feel so...different, from the last time I saw him, you know?

BEATRICE

One: you have to give me a name, Hero; otherwise you might be talking about any Tom, Dick or Harry. Second: you have nothing to worry about! That boy has been after you since he started pulling on your hair in grade school.

HERO

Grade school?

BEATRICE

Yes...grade school. We are talking about Claudio, correct?

HERO

Oh, yeah. I just...I can't remember him from grade school very well.

BEATRICE

Well, from what I remember: he pulled your hair, then took to ignoring you, then took to trying to talk to you but never succeeded. After that...well, I guess he kind of faded into the background a little because I can't remember you mentioning him much during high school.

HERO

Oh, he was there, it was just by then you'd gone and come back...you know...you didn't really want to talk about that stuff anymore.

BEATRICE

(Stiffly)

Oh right. That stuff.

HERO

Beatrice? I now you don't like to talk about it but...what did happen between you and—

BEATRICE

(Harshly)

If you know I don't like talking about it why do you ask?

HERO doesn't answer, just looks down and bites her lips. BEATRICE rolls her eyes.

BEATRICE

It was just...stupid. It was amazing and I was so happy and then...well, he went for training and-it went wrong, Hero. Something always goes wrong where men are involved.

HERO

I don't believe that.

BEATRICE

Yes but, you are a much sweeter kid than I ever was.

HERO

You always say that. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean.

BEATRICE

It just means that you are a sweet kid.

INT. HOTEL. NIGHT.

The party is well under way and there are many people. Most are wearing masks, although you can see JOHN is sitting in a corner, drinking, without any sort of costume on. BORACHIO is sitting with JOHN, drinking and looking over at MARGARET; CONRAD sits next to JOHN, very committed to his drinking. JOHN is staring intently where PEDRO sits, talking to HERO. She keeps blushing and looking slyly at CLAUDIO, who is by the bar, drinking heavily and looking nervous. BORACHIO takes one long swing from his drink and gets up to go toward MARGARET, they start dancing, which LEONATO, at the far end of the room, clearly does not approve. BEATRICE and BENEDICT are keeping their distance from each other, but they both keep looking for each other. JOHN finishes his drink, and gets up to get another, he runs into CLAUDIO, who is looking a little drunk and still pounding back the drinks.

JOHN

Having fun? I'm sure my brother is.

CLAUDIO

(Looking toward PEDRO and HERO)

Uhm… I suppose it's…

JOHN

Well, I can't really blame him.

CLAUDIO

Whadya mean?

JOHN

It's not every day you get such a…rare prize, as Hero. I gather she's quite the catch.

CLAUDIO

How do you…? I mean, why do you..?

JOHN

I heard him talking about her earlier today. It's one of those things that sound like a good idea but then when you're sober...

He shrugs and pretends not to notice CLAUDIO is raging mad.

CLAUDIO finishes off his drink and storms out, punching a column and flipping over a chair as he steps out. PEDRO looks toward JOHN, who shrugs innocently. PEDRO excuses himself and walks over to BENEDICT and says something to him. BENEDICT nods and heads after CLAUDIO. Once he is outside, he turns right, at which point he runs into BEATRICE. His mask is on and despite the fact that BEATRICE recognizes him, she pretends not too and is extra nice to him.

BEATRICE

Need any help?

BENEDICT

No, I was just looking for…did you see anyone run past here?

BEATRICE

No. This hallway doesn't really lead anyway, just to the storage room.

BENEDICT begins walking away.

BEATRICE (CONT)

So, are you enjoying yourself?

BENEDICT

(Confused)

You're asking me?

BEATRICE

You're the only one here, Claudio, who else would I be asking?

BENEDICT thinks she doesn't recognize him.

BENEDICT

Oh, right...uhm...yeah, this is fun.

BEATRICE

It's a shame about Benedict, though. Just standing around in the corner, like a creep. I wonder if he's finished off the dessert table yet, or worse, if he's dried up the bar! He was always good at getting the stuff down but keeping it down...well...never was his strong suit.

BENEDICT

He's not as bad as all of that—

BEATRICE

Well, you haven't known him for long. I'll give you some advice: just remember he may look and sound pretty good from afar, but he's just a dressed up clown. He'll make you laugh, I'm sure, but he'll never be more than a child, and an annoying one at that.

BENEDICT becomes upset. BEATRICE smiles.

BEATRICE (CONT)

Oh, but never mind...just don't let him talk your ear off, or give you advice on dressing, or give him any money and never, ever, say you're buying lunch; and especially, just keep him away from Tim's...you'll see your entire pay check disappear faster than he can pack the crullers.

BENEDICT

Well I'll watch out for that...good bye.

BENEDICT walks away, tearing his mask off and muttering under his breath.

BEATRICE

What? Have I said something to upset you?

BEATRICE laughs to herself and turns to go back to the party.

EXT. PARKING LOT. NIGHT. CONTINUOUS.

BENEDICT steps outside, crushing his mask in anger. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. As he does he hears someone smashing something, he turns the corner and finds CLAUDIO, throwing empty bottles against a tree.

BENEDICT

Claudio! Come with me, Pedro would like to talk to you.

CLAUDIO

If he wants to talk to me he can come and get me himself!

BENEDICT

Aw...come on! Don't play the part of the angry puppy! Stop hiding and abusing the local forestry and come back. Pedro has Hero...

CLAUDIO

(Incensed)

Well, I wish him joy of her!

BENEDICT doesn't leave. CLAUDIO smashes one last bottle and takes off. BENEDICT starts by following him but thinks twice about it and stops. He goes back to crushing the mask.

BENEDICT

Packing crullers. "Oh, don't lend him any money" Well...she..stupid piece of-of a woman! She's one to talk, always prancing around like she owns the town. Selfish, self-centred, conceited, self-serving, jealous, manipulative, whiny...well, I'll have my revenge.

BENEDICT is about to continue when PEDRO rounds the corner and catches him talking to himself. BENEDICT becomes quiet, but keeps muttering under his breath occasionally.

PEDRO

Where's Claudio? I thought I asked you to go and bring him back.

BENEDICT

Well, you only said to go look for him.

PEDRO

You're going to be like that?

BENEDICT

Sorry, no. I found him here, abusing this poor tree with bottles and I did tell him that you had helped him out with Hero and he just...

Makes and explosion sound.

BENEDICT(CONT)

-And walked away. As "melancholy as a lodge in a warren", as the saying goes.

PEDRO

Well, did he say why he was so upset?

BENEDICT

Well, truth be told...I think he might've gotten the impression that you well...you know, "stole his birds' nest", as it were.

PEDRO

Are you drunk or upset?

BENEDICT looks confused.

PEDRO(CONT)

I know you well enough to know, you speak like my grandmother when you're either upset or drunk, which are usually the same thing so, out with it.

BENEDICT

(Defiantly)

I thought we were talking about you.

PEDRO

Beatrice had quite a lot to say about you.

BENEDICT

Agh! She has quite a lot to say about me? Well, I've got quite a bit more to say about her! She told me, not realizing it was me she was talking to, that I was well...an idiot! And good for nothing but for clearing tables! She kept going on and on and on and on and on for so long that even a dead man would have risen from the grave and answered her. She-the nerve-she-agh! Every time she opens her mouth just-

He makes a stabbing motion.

BENEDICT (CONT)

With words! Every time! I wish you would just stop talking about her!

PEDRO is quiet.

BENEDICT (CONT)

I swear, as long as she is here a man can live as quiet in Hell as in the middle of the prairies. All she needs do is come near you and it's like...it's like she's been conjured! Not even the devil would take her and that's why he's thrown her back into the world! If her breath were as bad as what she says she would be truly unbearable. I would not marry her even if she had well-I would not marry her, no matter what. I swear, as long as she's around all horror follows her and well...like...meanness and...evil, just...evil.

PEDRO is amused.

PEDRO

Oh, look, here she comes.

BENEDICT turns to see that BEATRICE is, indeed coming. He kicks a tree when he does. CLAUDIO is following BEATRICE, looking sullen and defeated.

BENEDICT

Sir, do you have any errands to send me on now? I will go wherever you wish me to go. Would you like me to bring you a hair of Saskquatch's coat? How about the antlers of a moose? How about a beer? A drink? Pop? A snack? Anything you want, anything at all, so long as I don't have to spend one single second in the vicinity of this...harpy!

BEATRICE attempts to look amused, but is clearly hurt. She makes a face at BENEDICT, while PEDRO laughs.

PEDRO

Thank you, Ben, but I can't really think of anything.

BENEDICT

Well then, you'll excuse me, I cannot endure "my Lady Tongue".

BENEDICT storms off, making sure to glare at BEATRICE as they pass each other. She glares right back, before turning to PEDRO, all traces of anger gone.

PEDRO

Beatrice, I do believe you have fallen out of Benedict's good graces.

BEATRICE

So I have. I was in his good graces for a while but..well, I fell out of them. Not so much from my doing but because he made a point to throw me off the balcony. Anyway...I brought you Claudio.

PEDRO

What's wrong with you? You look absolutely awful. Sick?

CLAUDIO

Not particularly.

PEDRO

Angry?

CLAUDIO

Not really.

BEATRICE

He's just silent. Silent and fuming, and looking a little bit green for it.

PEDRO

Well, I think you might just be right. Claudio! Stop being such an ass! All I've done is what I said I would. Hero is in there now, waiting for you.

CLAUDIO

Hero? She's...mine?

PEDRO

Well, time will tell if that's true but, for now you could at least go talk to her.

CLAUDIO laughs and turns to go back inside. PEDRO shares a look with BEATRICE but they both shrug and roll their eyes.

PEDRO (CONT)

Well, then, back to Benedict-

BEATRICE

Nothing but a dark spot in the distant past.

PEDRO

You upset him more than any other person living, I think. You put him down.

BEATRICE

If that were true, I would risk becoming the mother of fools. I would not take Benedict, not at this point anyway, and so all is well. But what about you? You don't happen to have a brother like you, would you?

PEDRO

Well, no. Just the one.

BEATRICE

A shame...unless you would-

PEDRO

Oh...well, I couldn't...you don't want someone like me, trust me. I'm-the polite term is "damaged goods".

BEATRICE

Aren't we all?

Start "Caraluna" by Bacilos. PEDRO and BEATRICE in Spanish singing throughout.

PEDRO

_Quien dice que no duelen_

_Las huellas en la arena?_

_Tu huella el mar se la llevo_

_Pero la luna sigue ah__í_

_Pero esa luna es mi condena_

_Despacio en la mañ__ana_

_A gritos por la noche_

_Las voces vivas del recuerdo se disfrazan de intuici__ón_

_Y en una voz tu voz se esconde_

_Y en una voz tu voz se esconde_

_Y yo se que tal vez tu nunca escuches mi canci__ón yo se_

_Y yo se que tal vez te siga usando as__í __robandote mi inspiraci__ón_

_Mientras siga viendo tu cara en la cara de la luna_

_Mientras siga escuchando tu voz entre las olas entre la espuma_

_Mientras tenga que cambiar la radio de estaci__ón_

_Por que cada canci__ó__n me hable de ti de ti de ti_

_Me hable de ti_

_La vida se me esconde_

_Detr__á__s de una promesa sin cumplir_

_De donde nace alguna inspiraci__ón_

_De donde nace otra canci__ón_

_Y ya no se bien quien se esconde_

_Y ya no se lo que se esconde_

PEDRO/BEATRICE

_Y yo se que tal vez tu nunca escuches mi canci__ón yo se_

_Y yo se que tal vez te siga usando as__í __robandote mi inspiraci__ón_

_Mientras siga viendo tu cara en la cara de la luna_

_Mientras siga escuchando tu voz entre las olas entre la espuma_

_Mientras tenga que cambiar la radio de estaci__ón_

_Por que cada canci__ó__n me hable de ti de ti de ti_

_Me hable de ti_

_Mientras siga viendo tu cara en la cara de la luna_

_Mientras siga escuchando tu voz entre las olas entre la espuma_

_Mientras tenga que cambiar la radio de estaci__ón_

_Por que cada canci__ó__n me hable de ti de ti de ti_

_Me hable de ti_

PEDRO

_Yo seguir__é __buscando_

BEATRICE

_Yo seguir__é __escapando_

_Tal vez de ti tal vez de mi_

PEDRO

_Yo seguir__é __buscandole una explicaci__ó__n a esta canci__ó__n tambien_

BOTH Change to empty room. PEDRO and BEATRICE appear to face each other and dance, as camera pans to side we see they are actually dancing alone. Camera circles to show that BEATRICE is dancing around a static BENEDICT, PEDRO is dancing around a static ANONYMOUS MAN.

PEDRO/BEATRICE

_Mientras siga viendo tu cara en la cara de la luna_

_Mientras siga escuchando tu voz entre las olas entre la espuma_

_Mientras tenga que cambiar la radio de estaci__ón_

_Por que cada canci__ó__n me hable de ti de ti de ti_

_Mientras siga viendo tu cara en la cara de la luna_

_Mientras siga escuchando tu voz entre las olas entre la espuma_

_Mientras tenga que cambiar la radio de estaci__ón_

_Por que cada canci__ó__n me hable de ti de ti de ti_

_Me hable de ti_

_Me habl__é de ti_

_De ti_

_Me habl__é de ti ay ay ay_

"Caraluna" translation:

Who says footprints in the sand

never hurt?

Your print was taken by the sea

But the moon remains

But that moon is my sentence

In the morning, slowly

At night, screaming

The voices of remembrance are

disguised as intuition

And in someone's voice your voice hides (x2)

chorus

And I know that you might never her my song

And I know that I might still use you, stealing my inspiration

While I can still see your face in the face of the Moon

While I can still hear your voice in the waves

While I still need to change the radio station

Because every song reminds me of you

Life hides from me

Behind a broken promise

And from it there comes inspiration

There comes another song

And I don't know who is hiding (x2)

CHORUS (X3)

The static BENEDICT and MAN disappear into the shadows. PEDRO and BEATRICE begin walking back around the building. An awkward silence ensues.

Int. Hotel. Night. Continuous.

As they near the entrance they can see BENEDICT in the lobby, talking to himself, evidently still upset. BEATRICE rolls her eyes but is decidedly more dejected than angry. PEDRO is clearly amused and is about to say something when LEONATO walks out the door, startling all three of them. BENEDICT glares at BEATRICE and disappears up a set of stairs, stumbling as he does so.

LEONATO

Beatrice, there you are! I've been looking for you, we need the key to the back room, we need some more clean glasses. And while you're there would you mind—

He stops as he realizes he might have of interrupted something.

leonato

Am I interrupting something?

BEATRICE

No. Nothing important anyway.

BEATRICE walks inside and heads toward the back, under the stairs. PEDRO looks after her, which LEONATO takes the wrong way.

LEONATO

If you two were busy or up to something I can always go back and ask Hero for a key, she has one as well, or should have so long as she hasn't lost it.

PEDRO

You would rather interrupt your daughter during her first grown up date…sort off…than your niece who was doing nothing important?

LEONATO

I wouldn't want to come between you—

PEDRO

(Holding up a hand to quiet LEONATO)

You got the wrong idea, Leonato. There is nothing of the sort between your niece and myself.

LEONATO seems upset about this.

PEDRO (CONT)

God! She cannot hear tell of a husband!

LEONATO

It is a shame. She can be quite a nice young lady, when she tries.

PEDRO

She would be an excellent match for Benedict.

LEONATO

Oh well...ha...that ship has sailed, from what I understand. In any case, they would talk each other mad before the week was out.

PEDRO

Well, it's true they might try to kill each other a bit but, I bet I can get them together. We have one month holidays before we each take up our posts, correct? Well, I'll make sure the time won't be wasted. I'll show you how we can "teach" Benedict to fall in love with Beatrice, we'll get Claudio and Hero to help us out as well. What do you say? Do you feel like taking on that bet?

LEONATO

Well...I'm not sure I like the odds but I suppose I have nothing to lose, except for Beatrice's "colorful" side. I'll take that bet.

PEDRO

Great! Come, let's go back to the party, I'll tell you my plan and we'll start tomorrow.

They walk back inside.

Ext. Pool. Day.

BENEDICT, still half in his clothes from the night previous, lies on the side of the pool, feet in the water, looking all around hung over and unconscious. A young EMPLOYEE is straightening up the loungers when he notices BENEDICT. He goes to him and kicks him, lightly. BENEDICT doesn't respond. He nudges him again, and he moans. The EMPLOYEE then shakes him, hard. BENEDICT opens his eyes and signals he is fine. He sits up, slowly, the hangover clearly hitting him. The EMPLOYEE goes back to the loungers. BENEDICT splashes some water on his face, then splashes at the pool with his legs idly for a bit. He looks around, bored already.

BENEDICT

You there! Uhm...boy!

EMPLOYEE

Sir?

BENEDICT

In my room, by the window there is a book, bring it here.

EMPLOYEE

But...I'm here already.

BENEDICT

I know that; but I would have you go and come here again.

EMPLOYEE, not too amused, starts toward the hotel. BENEDICT keeps splashing the water with his legs, trying to amuse himself.

BENEDICT (CONT)

Well, I do wonder how when one sees that a man can be such an idiot in love, one could turn around and become an idiot oneself! Yeah...that man is Claudio. I remember when he would do nothing but speak plain and to the point; when he would live for his work and working was his life. And now? Oh, Lord! One can hardly get one word in with him if it's not about loving and romancing and...all that stuff. I wonder, would I, _could I_, behave like such an ass? I'm not sure, I think not. I won't swear my life on it but love could make me an oyster...in any case, even if I am made an oyster I will never be such a moron. I have eyes: I see good looking women, but I am good; I see smart women, but I am good; I see virtuous women, and still, I'm good. Well, until I meet one smart, virtuous and good looking woman, no woman will ever have a hold on me. Rich she should be, obviously; smart, that's for sure; with a good reputation, or I'll never take that from her; attractive, or I'll never look at her; mild, or she won't be allowed near me; she should be able to speak well, have good taste in music, be well educated and her hair…well, that'll be whatever colour it please God.

Int. Hotel. Continuous.

PEDRO, CLAUDIO and LEONATO are looking out the window at BENEDICT. They watch him keep talking to himself, emphasizing his words with the occasional splash of his legs. They laugh.

PEDRO

He does love the sound of his own voice, doesn't he? Well, let's hope he's well enough to hear us coming.

EXT. POOL. CONTINUOUS.

PEDRO, CLAUDIO and LEONATO step outside and begin laughing loudly, BENEDICT rises and tries to find a place to hide. He stumbles over a few loungers, which the rest pretend not to see, and finally settles behind a few crates of beer stacked up next to the bar. The others move to the bar.

PEDRO

Come, should we hear some of this music?

CLAUDIO

(Awkward and forced)

For sure, it's still fairly quiet out here, as if the morning wants us to hear this music.

PEDRO

Well then, let's hear it.

They plug in an Ipod and fall to ridiculously hearing the music with rapt attention. CLAUDIO is the worst of them as actors.

Start "Oh Love" Green Day. BENEDICT will sing, mockingly. All the others sing along the song in earnest. PEDRO looks serious throughout.

CLAUDIO

_Oh Love, oh love_

_Won't you rain on me tonight?_

_Oh life, oh life_

_Please don't pass me by_

_Don't stop, don't stop_

_Don't stop when the red lights flash_

_Oh ride, free ride_

_Won't you take me close to you_

ALL

_Far away, far away_

_Waste away tonight_

_I'm wearing my heart on a noose_

_Far away, far away_

_Waste away tonight_

_Tonight my heart's on the loose_

PEDRO

_Oh lights and action_

_I just can't be satisfied_

_Oh losers and choosers_

_Won't you please hold on my life_

_Oh hours and hours_

_Like the dog years of the day_

_Old story, same old story_

_Won't you see the light of day_

ALL

_Far away, far away_

_Waste away tonight_

_I'm wearing my heart on a noose_

_Far away, far away_

_Waste away tonight_

_Tonight my heart's on the loose_

PEDRO

_Talk myself out of feeling_

CLAUDIO

_Talk my way out of control_

BENEDICT

_Talk myself out of falling in love_

_Falling in love with you_

_Oh love, Oh love_

_Won't you rain on me tonight_

_Oh ride, free ride_

_Won't you take me close to you_

ALL

_Far away, far away_

_Waste away tonight_

_I'm wearing my heart on a noose_

_Far away, far away_

_Waste away tonight_

_Tonight my heart's on the loose_

_Far away, far away_

_Waste away tonight_

_I'm wearing my heart on a noose_

_Far away, far away_

_Waste away tonight_

_Tonight my heart's on the loose_

_Tonight my heart's on the loose..._

_Tonight my heart's on the loose..._

The song ends. There is an awkward silence as no one moves or makes a sound. BENEDICT is about to try to sneak off when PEDRO stands up and blocks his only escape route.

PEDRO

Well, that was a good song.

BENEDICT

If it had been a dog that had howled like that, they would've kicked it.

PEDRO

Anyway...so, come here Leonato, you were telling me how Beatrice is in love with Benedict?

BENEDICT slips and falls flat on his ass when he hears this. He hurts himself and attempts to not make a noise, a task at which he fails miserably. As he struggles to get back up, the others try not to laugh at BENEDICT.

CLAUDIO

I did never think Beatrice would have loved any man.

LEONATO

No, nor I; but it's most wonderful that she should feel this way about Benedict. I always thought she just hated him.

BENEDICT

(Louder than he should)

Is this possible? Seriously?

LEONATO

(Faltering)

Well, I for one can't really explain it..except that she loves him with an..uhm...angry passion.

PEDRO

Maybe it's a joke.

CLAUDIO

I would not put it past her.

LEONATO

(Unconvincing)

Oh God no! A joke! There was never enough passion in any to make a joke out of this passion that she has shown...with...uhm...passion!

PEDRO

(Annoyed)

Why? How does she act?

LEONATO

How does she act? Well..she will...sit you...you heard my daughter tell you how.

PEDRO

(Forceful)

How?

The silence becomes awkward. BENEDICT begins to rise by this point, almost forgetting himself. PEDRO sees him, pretends not to and turns the others around.

PEDRO (CONT)

You amaze me! I would have thought she was invincible against such-"assaults of affection".

LEONATO

I would have sworn it, especially against Benedict.

BENEDICT

I would think this was a trick but Leonato is saying as much. He would never lie.

CLAUDIO

(Looking back at BENEDICT. Making fun of him and almost too loud)

He's infected for sure!

PEDRO drags CLAUDIO away a little. BENEDICT is forced to try to sneak closer, which does not go well. There is nowhere for him to hide, he chooses the back of a lounger, even though it does very little to hide him.

PEDRO

Has Beatrice told Benedict about how she feels?

LEONATO

No; and swears she never will.

CLAUDIO

It's true...how could she tell him of her feelings when she herself has made such fun of them, and him, in the past?

LEONATO

She says even more! "I would not tell him how I feel", she says, "and even if he felt the same I would not treat him well, I would still insult him."

CLAUDIO

Yes! And that's when she falls on her knees, cries, sobs, tears her hair, prays, curses "Oh, sweet Benedict! God give me patience!"

BENEDICT stands at this point, clearly in plain sight. The others make a desperate attempt to pretend he is not there. The rest is spoken in a forced attempt to ignore BENEDICT, who does not crouch down again, but looks completely dumbstruck.

LEONATO

She does, so my daughter says. With so much force sometimes Hero is afraid Beatrice will do...something stupid.

PEDRO

It would be good that we told Benedict of this.

CLAUDIO

What for? He'll only make fun of her.

PEDRO

That's true, and it's a shame for, in reality, she is nothing to sneeze at.

CLAUDIO

And she's so very smart.

PEDRO

In everything but in loving Benedict.

LEONATO

Well, in any case I do feel sorry for her, she is my niece after all.

PEDRO

I think it would be good if we told Benedict, see what he would say.

LEONATO

Do you really think it's such a good idea?

CLAUDIO

Well, it might be just as well. And Hero says she will die, for she'll die if she lets him know, and she'll die if she does not; and she'll die if he likes her, and she'll die if he won't. Well...she would rather die than show even one less ounce of meanness than she usually does.

PEDRO

I can't blame her for that because Benedict would probably mock her, as you know, that man has quite a mean streak in him.

BENEDICT makes a noise, at which point he remembers he should crouch down. He does so, and the rest pretend not to see him. The dialogue continues to be awkward.

CLAUDIO

He is a very proper man.

PEDRO

He does seem that way on the outside.

CLAUDIO

And also very smart.

PEDRO

Occasionally, it does look like there is a light on between his ears.

CLAUDIO

And he is brave.

PEDRO

I suppose so, he is at least discreet: he'll either look to avoid conflict all together or face it well enough. Well I am sorry for your niece. Shall we go see Benedict, and tell him?

CLAUDIO

On second thought, better not. Let it wear down with time.

LEONATO

No, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out first.

PEDRO

In that case, we'll wait, and hear more of this from Hero. I do love Benedict but I wish he would examine his conscience and see how unworthy he is of Beatrice.

Awkward silence. After a few seconds, LEONATO motions toward the hotel.

LEONATO

Should we go in? Breakfast must be ready.

CLAUDIO

If Benedict doesn't change his tune with this, I'll never trust myself again.

PEDRO

All that is good but now, the same bait must be dangled for Beatrice, but that'll be up to Hero and Margaret. I know! Let's send Beatrice to call Benedict in for breakfast!

The three go back inside the hotel. BENEDICT rises and wanders out. He is limping from his fall but is also in shock. He keeps making toward the hotel and then stops, eventually he oversteps the edge of the pool and falls in. He quickly crawls out when the EMPLOYEE comes back, his book in hand. The EMPLOYEE is very uncomfortable and just drops the book on a lounger and goes back inside.

BENEDICT

This can't be a trick! They were very serious, when talking about it. They say they heard if from Hero, she would never lie! They seem to feel sorry for Beatrice. In love with me? Why? Never mind that, I must respond in kind! I have heard what they think of me: they say I'll make fun of her and let my pride get the best of me, they also say that she'd rather die than show any affection. Well, I never thought about marr- Well, but I can't seem proud of this: "happy are they who hear their detractions and can put them to mending." They say that Beatrice is "nothing to sneeze at", I can agree with that: she's smart, attractive, etc. Well then, I know what I must do: I must be horribly in love with her. It's true that I may have some sarcastic comments thrown my way but, well, men are allowed to change their minds, right? Love is something you kind of...grow into, you can't just jump in without testing the waters first. Will I let bad jokes written on cheap paper beat me? No! Besides, the world must be peopled! When I said I would die a bachelor, I just never thought I'd live long enough to get marr-well...anyway... Here she comes! I do believe I see some "marks of love" in her.

BEATRICE approaches BENEDICT, evidently not amused at the prospect. She's not looking her best, her uniform doesn't look at tidy as it has before and she clearly looks, at the very least, tired, if not hung over as well. BENEDICT, realizing he is soaked in last night's clothes, makes a run for the back of the bar, where at least some of himself is hidden. BEATRICE gives him a look and a roll of the eyes because she now has to walk even further to talk to him. She impatiently drums her fingers on the bar as BENEDICT looks all stupid, trying to put on a friendly smile.

BEATRICE

They sent me to get you for breakfast.

BENEDICT

Beatrice, you didn't have to go through all that trouble just for me.

BEATRICE

It wasn't any trouble. If it had been I would not be here.

BENEDICT

You take pleasure then in the message?

BEATRICE

Oh sure! Just as much pleasure as you would take on the point of a knife.

She is expecting a comeback. BENEDICT only keeps smiling stupidly.

BEATRICE (CONT)

You're not hungry? Fine by me, see you later.

BEATRICE walks away and goes back indoors.

BENEDICT

Ha! "They sent me to get you for breakfast"...there's a double meaning in there somewhere. "It wasn't any trouble. If it had been I would not be here." Well, that's as much as to say "anything to do with you is never any trouble", am I right? Well, whatever...if I do not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, I am a dog. Yes! A dog! An ugly one! With the fleas and the ticks and the—

Forcing himself to stop.

BENEDICT(CONT)

I will go...get her picture.

BENEDICT goes back inside the hotel and heads back to his room.

Int. Hotel. Continuous.

BEATRICE stalks back to the front desk. She turns a corner to the stairs when she runs into HERO and MARGARET. Their backs are turned and they pretend not to see her, but of course they have.

HERO

(Making sure BEATRICE can hear every word)

No, Meg, she is too disdainful. I don't think she'd be happy about this at all.

BEATRICE is about to let them know she is there but stops when MARGARET speaks.

MARGARET

But are you sure that Benedict is so much in love with Beatrice?

BEATRICE runs back around the corner at this point, as she does so she slams straight into a door.

HERO

That's what Claudio told me, why would he lie?

MARGARET

I think you should talk to her, see what she says about it.

HERO

I thought so too, at first, but then I was thinking how harsh she's been with him in the past. I know they've had their history, but I can't imagine what was so terrible about it. In truth, I think it's Beatrice: she cannot love.

MARGARET

That could be true. She might not even be able to recognize love if it bit her in the ass.

HERO

Well, it might not all be her fault...she...she is quite...rough.

MARGARET

Rough indeed...and those types of attitudes should be left for the bedroom! Well, but I would assume even Beatrice could see how attractive Benedict is? She can't be that blind or dumb, can she?

HERO

That's what I have said for years but I'm not sure. How can she not see what she does to Benedict?

MARGARET

How can she not want to do something else to him? Anyway, what does Benedict intend to do about his feelings? Is he going to tell Beatrice?

HERO

Oh, no! Never! Claudio and Pedro did ask me to speak to Beatrice, but I told them that I think it would be best to tell Benedict to fight against his feelings, bury them deep and forget about them: Beatrice is too proud and too stubborn to ever come off her high horse about love.

MARGARET

That's true. You won't talk to her about it?

HERO

What? And be mocked to death? I'll talk to her about anything else but never about love, she'll make a bad joke of it and think it's the smartest thing that has ever escaped anybody's mouth!

MARGARET

She does go around thinking she's better than everyone else, doesn't she?

HERO

Yes, she does! And that is her greatest flaw. I mean, she's smart enough, and knows everything about everything but, none of that is any good if all you do is brag about it. No, I won't say anything to Beatrice and I'll speak to Benedict, make sure he doesn't get any ideas either.

MARGARET

Well, that's a shame but, if you think that's best.

Awkward silence ensues.

MARGARET (CONT)

Well...should we go and do that...thing?

HERO nods and they head upstairs. BEATRICE rounds the corner, making sure they are gone. She looks in shock and speechless and basically stumbles around the reception as she tries to make sense of what she just heard. She is a lot more reluctant to accept what she's heard at face value than BENEDICT was.

BEATRICE

Wha— What the—Do they really think I'm such an awful person? Well, I'll show them! I don't act better than everyone else! True, I did actually go to University, and it was actually in another country but...I...I never thought that was a flaw. Well, I'll show them. No more bragging, no more joking, no more pride. As for Benedict...well, once I thought he was—maybe I have been harsh on him, it's been well a decade, maybe he has changed. In any case, others seem to think he's "well off" maybe, I suppose—

BEATRICE stops dead in her tracks as BENEDICT walks into the reception. He is also caught off guard when he looks up to see BEATRICE standing in the middle of the room. Neither know what to say. They try to smile at each other but it doesn't work and the effect is more creepy than anything else. They both look down at the floor as the tension in the room keeps growing. BEATRICE finally makes a signal that she should go, BENEDICT opens his mouth, as if to say something but nothing comes out. BEATRICE begins to back away, slowly, as if escaping a dangerous animal.

Begin "Stay the Night" by Green Day. BENEDICT hardly moves as BEATRICE continues to back away. When lyrics start, BEATRICE freezes in place and BENEDICT jumps forward as all his lines are directed at her. He circles her throughout.

BENEDICT

_Well I ain't got much time so I'll get to the point_

_Do you wanna share a ride and get the fuck out of this joint?_

_I've got an impulse so repulsive that it burns_

_I wanna break your heart until it makes your stomach turn_

_I got to know if you're the one that got away_

_Even though it was never meant to be_

_Say you'll stay the night_

_'Cause we're running out of time_

_So stay the night_

_I don't wanna say goodbye_

_Say you'll stay the night_

_'Cause we're running out of time_

_So stay the night_

_Well I don't wanna say goodbye_

BENEDICT freezes in position as BEATRICE moves again. She circles BENEDICT as she directs all of her lines to him.

BEATRICE

_Well you're so sick and tired of feeling so alone_

_Well I don't understand the point if you have to go home_

_So won't you stay and count the circles 'round my eyes?_

_And we can watch the stars until the sun begins to rise_

_I got to know if you're the one that got away_

_Even though it was never meant to be_

_Say you'll stay the night_

_'Cause we're running out of time_

_So stay the night_

_I don't wanna say goodbye_

_Say you'll stay the night_

_'Cause we're running out of time_

_So stay the night_

_I don't wanna say goodbye_

BENEDICT begins to move again as they acknowledge each other's presence.

BENEDICT

_I gotta know if you're the one that got away_

BEATRICE

_Even though it was never meant to be_

BOTH

_Say you'll stay the night_

_'Cause we're running out of time_

_So stay the night_

_I don't wanna say goodbye_

_Say you'll stay the night_

_'Cause we're running out of time_

_So stay the night_

_I don't wanna say goodbye_.

As song winds down they move back to their original positions. With the last beat of the song BEATRICE has reached the lobby desk and is startled when she hits it. This prompts both BEATRICE and BENEDICT to jump up. BENEDICT nods, takes a deep breath and bolts up the stairs, presumably to his room. BEATRICE, scurries behind the desk, sits and attempts to look busy, without much luck. After a few seconds someone clears their throat. BEATRICE looks up to find a GUEST looking down on her impatiently, attempting to hand her their room key. She smiles sheepishly and takes the key. GUEST walks away, shaking their head and muttering about the terrible service.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters and, especially, none of the songs. No infringement intended.**

**This is meant to be a series in several episodes. Each will begin with an intro meant to reflect the general tone of that particular episode.**

**The story is set in present day in the amazing prairies of Canada. One final word of warning: some of the dialogue is in Spanish, there is always a translation following so don't despair if you do not understand, just keep your eyes open and you will find the translation. The script formatting is slightly off but try not to hold that against me, most word processors don't allow for easy exact editing of scripts.**

**Enjoy!**

—

**EXT. PARK.**

Start "Even if She Falls" by Blink 182. BENEDICT, CLAUDIO, JOHN.

JOHN

_And she was like a starry night_

_Like a Ferris wheel, full of blue-green eyes_

_And a heart of steel, always on her own_

_Almost never real_

CLAUDIO

_When the night will begin_

_The pain it won't end, even if she falls in love_

_Back, you wanna turn back_

_Your heart will attack, even if she falls in love_

BENEDICT

_And she was, like a blade of ice_

_Like a lonely road, clearest day alive_

_Always sharp and cold, always beautiful_

_I am such a fool_

ALL

_When the night will begin_

_The pain it won't end, even if she falls in love_

_Back, you wanna turn back_

_Your heart will attack, even if she falls in love_

_Try to look in her eyes_

_The light is just right, even if she falls in love_

_And it isn't so bad_

_It's driving you mad, even if she falls in love_

_When the night will begin_

_The pain it won't end, even if she falls in love_

_Back, you wanna turn back_

_Your heart will attack, even if she falls in love_

_Try to look in her eyes_

_The light is just right, even if she falls in love_

_And it isn't so bad_

_It's driving you mad, even if she falls in love_

**Int. ****BENEDICT'****S ROOM. **

19 YEAR-OLD BEATRICE and BENEDICT sit on BENEDICT'S bed. They do not look happy at all.

BEATRICE

So you're leaving tomorrow then?

BENEDICT

I can't put it off any longer. I already waited an extra ten days to leave, I start training the day after tomorrow.

BEATRICE

Are we going to talk about what we're going to do?

BENEDICT

About what?

BEATRICE

About us.

BENEDICT

I'll come back and visit. I promise.

BEATRICE

And when you're not visiting? What then?

BENEDICT

What do you want me to say? What can I possibly say to make this situation better? Tell me and I'll say or do anything that you say.

BEATRICE

You could put some effort into it yourself. I'm not the only one involved.

BENEDICT

I know that but, I am leaving. The best I can do is come back for a visit when I can. Don't think that just because I'm not in tears I don't feel upset about this but that is reality and it is what has to be dealt with. No point in thinking otherwise.

BEATRICE

I'm leaving.

BENEDICT

(Shocked)

You're what? When?

BEATRICE

Leaving. In a few weeks. For school, since you asked.

BENEDICT

And you were, what? Not going to say anything?

BEATRICE stays silent. BENEDICT begins to lose patience.

BENEDICT (CONT)

You're not going to say anything? "Though care killed a cat, thou hast mettle enough to kill care".

BEATRICE

Don't you dare quote your grandma phrases at me.

BENEDICT

And the savage bull makes an appearance!

BEATRICE

The only bull will be the one to knock you off your high horse.

BENEDICT

It'll still be a shorter fall than the tumble you'll take.

BEATRICE

Well, at least I'm tumbling over you, not such a large obstacle as I thought at first.

BENEDICT

Well, you might as well get used to sticking close to the ground, I'm sorry if mingling with the lowly commoners affects you.

BEATRICE

Close to the ground is still a step above a slithering slug like you.

BENEDICT

This is not how this is supposed to go.

BEATRICE

Real life tends to be harsh. I'm sorry if it's too much for your delicate complexion.

BENEDICT

I wish you would stop.

BEATRICE

"If wishes were horses..."

BENEDICT

Have it your way: you want to be angry, be angry. You should go. I have to pack.

BEATRICE

You just can't wait to get me out the door, can you?

BENEDICT

Stop being irrational.

BEATRICE

Irrational?

BENEDICT

You are leaving, I am leaving. Is there anything else that we need to discuss?

BEATRICE remains silent.

BENEDICT (CONT)

If you don't want to say anything then there's no point in you being here, is there?

BEATRICE

You're right. There's nothing left to discuss. You really did turn out to be just an ass.

BENEDICT

Takes one to know one!

BEATRICE leaves. BENEDICT waits until she's gone before looking utterly dejected. BENEDICT kicks the bed before collapsing on it, both angry and upset.

**EXT. STREET. CONTINUOUS.**

BEATRICE is not so much walking as stomping down the block. She looks upset but the further she walks the angrier she becomes.

Start "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen. Throughout BENEDICT and BEATRICE are both shown as the years begin to pass. They should cross paths several times but each time anger gets the better of them as they become the adults we saw at the beginning. By the end of the song the 11 years between their last civilized conversation and the opening have passed.

BEATRICE

(Singing throughout)

_Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time_

_I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!_

_I'm floating around in ecstasy_

_So don't stop me now don't stop me_

_'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time_

BENEDICT

(Singing throughout)

_I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies_

_Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity_

_I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva_

_I'm gonna go go go_

_There's no stopping me_

_I'm burning through the sky yeah!_

_Two hundred degrees_

_That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit_

_I'm trav'ling at the speed of light_

_I wanna make a supersonic man out of you_

BOTH

_Don't stop me now_

_I'm having such a good time_

_I'm having a ball_

_Don't stop me now_

_If you wanna have a good time_

_Just give me a call_

_Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time)_

_Don't stop me now (yes I'm having a good time)_

_I don't want to stop at all... yeah!_

BENEDICT

(Now an adult)

_I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars_

_On a collision course_

_I am a satellite I'm out of control_

_I am a sex machine ready to reload_

_Like an atom bomb about to_

_Oh oh oh oh oh explode_

_I'm burning through the sky Yeah!_

_Two hundred degrees_

_That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit_

_I'm trav'ling at the speed of light_

_I wanna make a supersonic woman of you_

BENEDICT (CONT)

(Spitefully)

_Don't stop me_

_Don't stop me_

_Don't stop me_

_Don't stop me_

_Don't stop me_

_Don't stop me_

_Don't stop me_

_Don't stop me_

_Don't stop me_

BEATRICE

(Now an adult. Spitefully)

_Hey hey hey!_

_Ooh ooh ooh (I like it)_

_Have a good time, good time_

_Ooh ooh alright_

BENEDICT

_Ooh I'm burning through the sky yeah!_

_Two hundred degrees_

_That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit_

_I'm trav'ling at the speed of light_

_I wanna make a supersonic man out of you_

_Don't stop me now_

_I'm having such a good time_

_I'm having a ball_

_Don't stop me now_

_If you wanna have a good time_

_Just give me a call_

_Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time)_

_Don't stop me now (yes I'm having a good time)_

_I don't wanna stop at all_

_La la la la laaaa_

_La la la la_

_La la laa laa laa laaa_

_La la laa la la la la la laaa hey!..._

**EXT. FRONT OF HOTEL. 11 years later.**

JOHN, CONRAD and BORACHIO stand around smoking. JOHN, as usual, looks angry. CONRAD and BORACHIO smile and giggle throughout, evidently smoking more than just tobacco.

JOHN

So, Hero and Claudio are together then?

BORACHIO

Inseparably so. But, I can help tear them apart.

JOHN

Any bar, any cross, any impediment would be like medicine to me. I hate him so much it makes me sick, and whatever trips him up makes me feel better. How can you tear this relationship to shreds?

BORACHIO

Not honestly, but so sneaky that no dishonesty would appear in me.

JOHN

Tell me how.

BORACHIO

I think I've told you how much I am "in the favour" of Margaret.

JOHN

I remember.

BORACHIO

I can, at any moment, day or night, call her and ask her up into Hero's room.

JOHN

How could that possibly end this relationship?

BORACHIO

The poison of that lies in you. Go to your brother; don't hesitate to tell him that his honour is "tainted" by setting up this relationship, especially due to Hero's "activities".

JOHN

What proof should I give him?

BORACHIO

Proof enough to make a fool out of your brother, to enrage Claudio and, maybe, kill Leonato. Is that enough for you?

JOHN

(Smiling)

More than plenty.

BORACHIO

Go, then; look for a time when Pedro and Claudio are alone. Tell them that you know that Hero loves me; remember to stress how important this is for both their reputations and that you only tell them out of love for them. They will not believe you without proof, offer it to them and it will be this: they will see me in Hero's room, will hear me call Margaret Hero. We will find the perfect time for this tonight, at the party. Make sure you convince them to come and thanks to what you have said and what they'll see they will believe it all and Claudio will leave Hero.

JOHN

Well, whatever becomes of this, I will put it in practice. Make a good show of this and your payment shall be...a thousand?

BORACHIO

Make sure you are convincing.

JOHN

I will go and find out their plans for tonight.

JOHN stubs out his cigarette and walks back inside the Hotel. BORACHIO and CONRAD watch him go. As BORACHIO turns back to CONRAD, they start laughing again. They stub out their cigarettes and start walking down the street, very pleased with themselves. They are reaching the corner when they pass PEDRO, CLAUDIO and BENEDICT, walking back to the hotel. BENEDICT looks rather subdued and deep in thought; he and his clothes look neat and trim. PEDRO and CLAUDIO are happily chatting.

PEDRO

I'll only stay for the party tonight, I am heading off tomorrow during the day.

CLAUDIO

I'll go with you, sir, if you like.

PEDRO

(Pretending not to notice BENEDICT'S silence)

No, that would be as terrible an idea as to show a kid his new toy and not let him play with it. You and Hero can have a few more days to decide what you want to do about your future. Don't worry, I won't be in bad company for I'm taking Benedict with me and he is, from the top of his head to the sole of his foot all joy.

**Int. Hotel. Continuous.**

They enter the Hotel. MARGARET hands them their room keys and as they start climbing the stairs, they run into BEATRICE.

PEDRO and CLAUDIO climb a few steps ahead before looking back and finding that BENEDICT is glued to the bottom of the stairs, staring up at BEATRICE. BEATRICE is also frozen in place as she sees BENEDICT. They take slow steps toward each other, clearly dazed and unsure of what to do. PEDRO and CLAUDIO smile at each other and at MARGARET, who is at the front desk watching the exchange.

Begin "Stutter" by Mariana's Trench. ALL singing throughout.

BENEDICT

_I know_

_I never make this easy._

_It's easier to disappear._

BEATRICE

_You said,_

_Give me some,_

_A thing that I can go on._

_Together, yeah anywhere but here._

ALL

_Sing it back._

_Oh-oh, Oh-oh, Oh-oh, Oh-oh_

_Hey yeah_

_Oh-oh, Oh-oh, Oh-oh-oh-oh_

_And I'm begging you,_

_Bring me back to life,_

_I just can't stand leaving you alone tonight._

_It's too late to go,_

_Already taken me forever just to try to know._

_One for the money, two for the show,_

_Three to get ready, and four to go._

_For the life of me,_

_I don't know why it took me so long to see._

BEATRICE

_I just_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

BENEDICT

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

BENEDICT

_Sunshine_

_Blinds you if you stare but,_

_Now I see, yeah (crystal), crystal clear._

_So here I am,_

_You can take or leave me._

_But I won't ever be anywhere but here._

ALL

_Sing it back._

_Oh-oh, (yeah) Oh-oh, Oh-oh, Oh-oh_

_Sing it back to me._

_Oh-oh, Oh-oh, Oh-oh-oh-oh_

BEATRICE/BENEDICT

_And I'm begging you,_

_Bring me back to life,_

_I just can't stand leaving you alone tonight._

_It's too late to go,_

_Already taken me forever just to try to know._

_One for the money, two for the show,_

_Three to get ready, and four to go._

_For the life of me,_

_I don't know why it took me so long to see._

BEATRICE

_I just_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

BENEDICT

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

MARGARET/PEDRO/CLAUDIO/HERO

_Oh, na na na,_

BEATRICE

_Stutter._

MARGARET/PEDRO/CLAUDIO/HERO

_Oh, na na na,_

BEATRICE

_Did I?_

MARGARET/PEDRO/CLAUDIO/HERO

_Oh, na na na, (Yeah)_

_Oh, na na na,_

BENEDICT

_Di-di-di-di-did I?_

MARGARET/PEDRO/CLAUDIO/HERO

_Oh, na na na,_

BEATRICE

Di-di-di-di-did I?

MARGARET/PEDRO/CLAUDIO/HERO

_Oh, na na na,_

BENEDICT

_Di-di-di-di_

MARGARET/PEDRO/CLAUDIO/HERO

_Oh, na na na,_

BEATRICE

_Di-di-di-di_

MARGARET/PEDRO/CLAUDIO/HERO

_Oh, na na na,_

BENEDICT

_Di-di-di-di-_

MARGARET/PEDRO/CLAUDIO/HERO

_Oh, na na na,_

BEATRICE

_Di-di-di-di-did I?_

BEATRICE/BENEDICT

_Oh-oh, Oh-oh, Oh-oh, Oh-oh_

_And you been singing,_

_Oh-oh, Oh-oh, Oh-oh-oh-oh_

_Hey,_

ALL

_Bring me back to life,_

_I just can't stand leaving you alone tonight._

_It's too late to go,_

_Already taken me forever just to try to know._

_One for the money, two for the show,_

_Three to get ready, and four to go._

_For the life of me,_

_I don't know why it took me so long to see._

BEATRICE/BENEDICT

_I just_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

_Stutter, Stutter, Stutter,_

_Di-di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

Dance ends and they all find themselves at the party. BENEDICT, PEDRO and CLAUDIO go to one in the opposite corner of BEATRICE, HERO and MARGARET. LEONATO, JOHN, BORACHIO and CONRAD come into the room. LEONATO joins PEDRO&amp;CO. JOHN&amp;CO get a drink from the bar. As LEONATO approaches the table with PEDRO&amp;CO dialogue is not clear, BENEDICT is the first to be clearly heard.

BENEDICT

(Working up courage to confess his feelings)

Gentlemen, I am not as I have been.

LEONATO

I agree, you look sadder.

CLAUDIO

I hope he's in love.

PEDRO

Hang it! There's not a drop of blood in him that can be touched with love: if he is sad, he wants money.

BENEDICT

(Hesitating)

I...have...a toothache.

PEDRO

What! You've been sighing over a toothache for weeks?

BENEDICT

Well, everyone can master a grief but he that has it.

CLAUDIO

I still think he's in love. If he's not in love then there is no believing in old signs: he cleans himself up nicely.

PEDRO

Has anyone seen him at the barber's?

CLAUDIO

No, but the barber has been seen with him.

LEONATO

That's true, and he looks younger than he did, all trim and neat like that.

PEDRO

Well, and he also sprays himself, could you not smell him from the parking lot?

CLAUDIO

That's as much as to say, he is in love.

PEDRO

The biggest proof of this is how quiet he is.

CLAUDIO

And when was he prone to washing his face?

PEDRO

Indeed, that's a tell-tale sign for him: conclude, he is in love.

CLAUDIO

Oh, but I know who loves him.

PEDRO

I bet you it's one that doesn't know him.

CLAUDIO

Yes, or his terrible habits and despite all: she dies for him.

BENEDICT

(Annoyed)

This does not help with the toothache. Leonato, would you come with me, I have a few words to speak with you which these hobby-horses must not hear.

BENEDICT and LEONATO leave the room.

PEDRO

On my life, it'll be about Beatrice.

CLAUDIO

For sure. Hero and Meg played out their part with Beatrice and they've noticed a change in her over these past few weeks as well. Hopefully, the two bears will not bite each other when they meet again.

JOHN approaches PEDRO and CLAUDIO.

JOHN

Brother, hello.

PEDRO

(Making an effort to not be cold)

John.

JOHN

If you have a moment, I'd like to speak to you.

PEDRO

In private?

JOHN

If you want but Claudio can stay, what I have to say concerns him.

PEDRO

What's the matter?

JOHN

(To CLAUDIO)

Do you still intend to go after Hero?

PEDRO

You know he does.

JOHN

I don't know that, not after he knows what I know.

CLAUDIO

(Suddenly angry)

If there's something wrong then tell us about it.

JOHN

You might think that I don't love you, but after what I'll tell you I hope you change your mind. I am only doing this out of love and respect for you...the both of you.

PEDRO

Why, what's the matter?

JOHN

I came here to speak to you about something important and it's already taken me long enough to get to the point so I'll just make it: the girl is unfaithful.

CLAUDIO

Who, Hero?

JOHN

Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero..

(laughing suggestively )

everybody's Hero.

CLAUDIO

Unfaithful?

JOHN

The word is too good for her; I could say she is worse: think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it.

CLAUDIO grabs him by the collar.

JOHN (CONT)

Don't just take my word for it, come with me tonight and I will show you proof enough. If you truly love her, stay with her, but it would be better for your reputation to be rid of her.

CLAUDIO

(Releasing JOHN when PEDRO comes between them)

Could this be true?

PEDRO

I will not think it.

CLAUDIO

If I see anything tonight I'll make sure she pays for it.

PEDRO

And since I helped you get her, I will help with what I can.

JOHN

I'll say nothing else of her, be patient for a few more hours, and then you shall see proof for yourselves.

As JOHN settles in between PEDRO and CLAUDIO, PEDRO follows him closely, clearly not trusting him completely. JOHN manages his best apologetic and supportive smile and looks down at the table. CLAUDIO fumes and begins twisting and tearing at a napkin, very angry and oblivious to JOHN and PEDRO. PEDRO takes a deep breath, straightens up and looks down into his drink.

I**nt. car. Day. 10 YEARS EARLIER.**

As he looks up again we see he is now about 25 years old and is sitting in the driver's side of a car. The MAN from "Caraluna" is sitting in the passenger's seat. PEDRO, looking nervous, pulls up to his parent's house. As he approaches, a nineteen year old JOHN sits on the front door steps. He looks bitter, but his expression turns to pure anger as he realizes who is in the car. As PEDRO parks the car, JOHN looks down, takes a deep breath, and by the time he looks up, he is smiling and, apparently, all traces of anger are gone. In the car, PEDRO takes a deep breath of his own, the MAN sitting in the passenger's seat looks at him.

MAN

Nervous?

PEDRO

A little more than that.

MAN

(Pointing at JOHN)

Is that your brother?

PEDRO

Yes.

MAN

He looks bitter, and angry. The way you talk about him, I expected a little puppy.

PEDRO

He has his moments but he is my brother, and always will be.

MAN

Is he nicer than he looks?

PEDRO

No, he's really not.

MAN

What about your parents?

PEDRO

If you don't want to be here, you are free to go.

MAN

Don't get all defensive. I just want to know how much of what you told me is true.

PEDRO

You think I lied to you?

MAN

I think you might have of exaggerated a little.

PEDRO rolls his eyes and gets out of the car. He approaches JOHN, who is still attempting to smile at him. By the time PEDRO reaches him, JOHN has given up and goes back to looking sullen and serious.

PEDRO

How have you been?

JOHN

(Looking behind PEDRO into the car.)

Is that him? You know this is not going to end well.

PEDRO

I know that but, I can't keep hiding half my life. I refuse to; at least, I would like to try not to have to.

JOHN

(Bitter)

Well, it works out for you anyway. You get to leave at the end of the day, don't you?

PEDRO

Will you ever get over that? I didn't abandon you here, you know. You are free to leave, whenever you want. If it's so terrible, why don't you?

JOHN

Where would I go? Back to you? Follow you into the RCMP, wouldn't that be lovely?

PEDRO

You could do so much more-

JOHN

Save it! It's time to grow up, and no I could not do more, and I won't.

JOHN walks away, making a point of running into the MAN, who has now gotten out of the car. PEDRO watches his brother go, looking more angry than concerned. PEDRO is joined by the MAN, and they turn and walk into the house. Outside, JOHN is making his way toward the pasture were there are several cows out. Once he reaches it, he stops. Almost as soon as he does he hears a noise and turns to find his FATHER, fixing a gap in the fence. JOHN comes near his father, who is startled by him.

FATHER

Juan! Que me quieres matar o que?

(John! Do you want to give me a heart attack or what?)

JOHN

Perdon. Te ayudo?

(Sorry. Need help?)

FATHER

Si. Detenle ahi.

(Yeah. Hold that.)

JOHN holds up a board as his FATHER hammers it back in place. When his FATHER is done, he straightens up and claps JOHN on the shoulder, giving him a brief smile. JOHN looks down.

FATHER (CONT)

Y ya llego tu hermano?

(Is your brother here?)

JOHN

(Looking up and putting on his best innocent smile.)

Si. Ya llego, con su amigo.

(Yeah. With his friend.)

FATHER

Cual amigo?

(What friend?)

JOHN

(Smile broadening, enjoying what he is about to do.)

El novio.

(His boyfriend.)

John's FATHER looks confused and shocked. JOHN only shrugs his shoulders and walks away. His FATHER looks livid, and stalks back to the house. He can be seen going into the house, after a few moments, he throws the MAN out the front door. All this is seen from afar and the words cannot be made out. PEDRO follows his FATHER out the door and tries to restrain him, getting punched in the face in the process. His FATHER stops after that, looking angry and embarrassed. PEDRO picks himself up, then gets into the car, along with the MAN and drives away. JOHN watches and, as he sees the car disappear in the distance, begins to laugh. After a few seconds, he turns and watches the cows, looking very satisfied.

**INT. OFFICE. PRESENT DAY.**

Inside an office space inside the RCMP headquarters of Messina. There is a meeting taking place, DOGBERRY and VERGES are standing and are circling two more men, OTECAKE and SEACOLE.

DOGBERRY

Are you good men and true?

VERGES

Yeah, otherwise it'll be a pity for they would face salvation, body and soul.

DOGBERRY

No, that would be a punishment too good for them if they have any loyalty in them because they have been chosen for the town watch.

SEACOLE and OTECAKE look delighted.

VERGES

Well, give them their duties, Dogberry.

DOGBERRY

First, who so you think is the most desertless man to be constable?

VERGES

Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; because they can write and read.

DOGBERRY

Come here, neighbour Seacole. God has blessed you with a good name: to be well named is the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.

SEACOLE

Both which,-

DOGBERRY

You have: I knew that would be your answer. Well, for your name, give God thanks and do not brag about it; as for your writing and reading, use it well when there is no need for such games. You are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch, therefore, you will hold the light.

Hands SEACOLE a flashlight.

Dogberry (cont)

Now, these are your duties: you will comprehend all vagrant men; and you can stop any man in the name of the Township.

SEACOLE

How if he won't stop?

DOGBERRY

Well then, never you mind him and let him go and call the rest of the watch together and thank God you are rid of a shady character.

SEACOLE and OTECAKES are confused.

VERGES

If he will not stop when he is asked, he is none of the town's citizens.

DOGBERRY

True, and you are to meddle with none but the town citizens. You shall also make no noise in the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.

OTECAKE

We will rather sleep than talk: we know what belongs to a watch.

DOGBERRY

Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should offend. You also need to go to the bar and get all the drunks to bed.

SEACOLE

How if they will not?

DOGBERRY

Why, then, leave them alone till they are sober: if they don't say any different by then, you just tell them they are not the men you thought they were. If you meet a thief, you may suspect he is not honest; and as for those kind of men, the less you mingle with them, the better for you.

OTECAKE

If we know someone is a thief, should we not like...uhm..take him?

DOGBERRY

Yes, because of your post you may but I believe that those who "touch pitch will be defiled": the best thing for you if you do meet a thief, is to let him show himself for what he is and steal out of your company.

VERGES

You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

DOGBERRY

Truly, I would not kick a dog, let alone accuse any man who has any honestly in him. This is the end of the charge. You two, are presenting the Inspector's own person: if you meet him in the night, you may stop him.

VERGES

No, I think they cannot.

DOGBERRY

A toonie to the one who is right, they may stop him: but not if the inspector is not willing; for, in truth, the watch should offend no man; and it is an offence to stop a man against his will.

VERGES

In that case, you are right.

DOGBERRY

Ha, ha, ha! Well then, good night: if there are any issues call me up. Good night.

OTECAKE

Well then, we know our duty: let's sit on a bench till two and then, to bed.

DOGBERRY

One word more, I beg you, watch over Leonato's door: the big event is there tomorrow and there is something going on there tonight. Good night: be vigitant, I beg of you.

SEACOLE and OTECAKE are shown the door. They exit, looking very excited at the prospect of their charge.

**EXT. S****t****reet. ****Night. C****ontinuous.**

SEACOLE and OTECAKE amble down the street, with apparently no fixed direction. They walk a few blocks until they come to a bar. They stop when they hear noise inside. As they are about to enter to investigate, BORACHIO and CONRAD cut them off. SEACOLE is pushed back and trips over OTECAKE and they fall. As they help each other up, JOHN, PEDRO and CLAUDIO approach. SEACOLE and OTECAKE make plenty of room for them to pass, making quite the show of protocol. Both PEDRO and CLAUDIO look absolutely drunk and have trouble even entering the bar. JOHN helps them in, smiling the entire time. After a few seconds, SEACOLE and OTECAKE enter the bar.

Start "Kill the DJ" by Green Day.

Inside the bar, BEATRICE, MEG and HERO are off to the side. BEATRICE is sitting at the bar, nursing a drink and looking drunk. HERO and MEG are dancing, getting the other patrons to join them. BORACHIO and CONRAD have split, BORACHIO is beginning to follow MEG around the dance floor. A few people join the girls and it becomes hard to clearly make them out amongst the people. PEDRO and CLAUDIO hang back, close to the door and partially hidden by a half wall. None of the girls see them. JOHN gets some drinks and finds BORACHIO, nodding his way.

JOHN

(Quite pleased with himself)

_Walking after dark_

_In the New York City park_

_Your thoughts are so unholy_

_In the holiest of holes_

_Onward Christian soldiers_

_Filled with jive and mind control_

_The blood left on the dance floor_

_Running running red_

_The bullet that you asked for_

_Killing you to death_

_Unless you_

As the chorus starts, the scene changes to a more nondescript dance club setting with JOHN as the DJ. PEDRO and CLAUDIO remain on the outskirts, but still take part in the action. MEG, HERO and BEATRICE are front and center, surrounded by other dancers. JOHN controls their movements.

ALL

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_Voices in my head are saying_

_"Shoot that fucker down!"_

JOHN points to BORACHIO, who starts dragging both MEG and HERO around the dance floor. CLAUDIO tries to come closer but is constantly cut off by a crowd.

JOHN

_We are the vultures_

_The dirtiest kind_

_The culture wars in your heart and mind_

_Walking after dark_

_In the New York City park_

_I'll pick up what's left in the club_

_My pocket full of pills_

_Sodom and Gommorah_

_In the century of thrills_

ALL

_The blood left on the dance floor_

_Running running red_

_The bullet that you asked for_

_Killing you to death_

_Unless you_

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

JOHN

_Hold him underwater_

_'Till the motherfucker drowns_

BORACHIO has tossed HERO out of the way, but CLAUDIO has not noticed. JOHN points to CLAUDIO and the crowd parts to let him through. BORACHIO takes MEG to a dark corner, where it's hard to see who she is. They start making out, as CLAUDIO tries to come closer, the crowd closes in on him once again.

JOHN

_We are the vultures_

_The dirtiest kind_

_The culture wars in your heart and mind_

_Someone's gonna get you boy_

_Shoot that fucker down_

Things between BORACHIO and MEG are escalating and CLAUDIO is more and more desperate to see what is going on. The crowd makes it impossible for CLAUDIO to pass.

JOHN (CONT)

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_(Walking after dark)_

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_Someone kill the DJ_

_Shoot the fucking DJ_

_Voices in my head are saying_

_"Shoot that fucker down!"_

The lights are cut.

**EXT. BAR. NIGHT. CONTINUOUS.**

PEDRO is dragging CLAUDIO out, practically carrying him, as he is hysterically shouting HERO's name. After a few moments JOHN walks out, looking extremely pleased with himself. He helps PEDRO restrain CLAUDIO. They drag him down the block. As the three are seen making their way down the block, OTECAKE and SEACOLE exit the bar, half carrying BEATRICE out. She keeps trying, and failing, to go back into the bar. OTECAKE and SEACOLE look after CLAUDIO, PEDRO and JOHN and seem confused. They finally shrug their shoulders and take BEATRICE in the opposite direction, presumably toward her uncle's house. As the street quiets down again, HERO wonders out, looking for her companions. She sees no one and turns in the opposite direction as BEATRICE. After another few moments, BORACHIO and MEG step outside. BORACHIO hands MEG a cigarette, which she takes, gladly. He lights it for her and walks away. MEG looks pleased, and walks in the direction BEATRICE took. Follow MEG for a few blocks, until she encounters SEACOLE and OTECAKE, coming back sans BEATRICE. They both look at MEG as if they recognize her, but she ignores them and keeps walking. Follow SEACOLE and OTECAKE as they head back, past the bar and go to the park.

**EXT. PARK. ****C****ontinuous.**

Everything seems quiet, and SEACOLE and OTECAKE sit in the playhouse, so as to command the view of the park and houses nearby. Enter BORACHIO, stumbling and very drunk. CONRAD is walking quietly toward him from his left but BORACHIO does not see him.

BORACHIO

What Conrad!

SEACOLE

Keep quiet!

BORACHIO

Conrad, I say!

CONRAD

Here, man; I'm at your elbow.

BORACHIO

(Mocking)

And my elbow was itchy, I though a scab would soon follow.

CONRAD

(Rolling his eyes.)

I'll owe you an answer for that, in any case, tell me what happened.

BORACHIO

Come over here, I think it's starting to rain...and anyway, I will, like a true drunkard, tell you everything.

OTECAKE

Something's wrong here, let's keep quiet.

BORACHIO

So now know that I have earned of John one thousand...

CONRAD

(In disbelief)

Is it possible that any trick would be so important?

BORACHIO

It would be better if you asked if any trick should be so rich: because when rich baddies have need for poor ones, poor ones can name any price they want.

CONRAD

(Resentful)

I wonder at it.

BORACHIO

(Drunk throughout)

Well that just goes to show you how you are...unconfirmed. Anyway, you should know that tonight I have "wooed" Margaret, Hero's friend, by the name of Hero: she came to me and said a thousand things to me-but I tell this story wrong-I should first tell you how Pedro, Claudio and John, "planted, placed and possessed" by John himself, saw this friendly encounter from afar.

CONRAD

I know that...but they thought Margaret was Hero?

BORACHIO

Two of them did, Pedro and Claudio; but the devil John knew she was Margaret; and it was partly by what he had told them, which first took hold of them, partly by the darkness, which did trick then, but mostly by my trickery, which confirmed anything that John had said about Hero, that away goes Claudio, completely enraged. He swore he would meet her tomorrow as planned, shame her with what he saw this night, and send her home again without a man.

SEACOLE

(Jumping down from the playhouse.)

We charge you, in the Township's name, stand!

OTECAKE

(On radio)

Call up the constable. We have recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that was ever known in the commonwealth.

CONRAD

(Stepping in front of BORACHIO)

Officers...

SEACOLE

(Excitement and confusion getting the better of him)

Don't speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us.

CONRAD laughs and pushes SEACOLE down to the ground. SEACOLE looks hurt, but OTECAKE punches CONRAD in the face. CONRAD drops down from the force and shock. BORACHIO raises his hands in defeat but still makes a point to laugh at CONRAD, who is holding his nose. SEACOLE gets up and leads CONRAD away. They start walking back toward the station.

**INT. LEONATO'S HOUSE. DAY.**

It is mid afternoon, the sun coming in brightly from the window. In her bedroom, HERO and MARGARET, are trying on different outfits for the celebration taking place soon.

HERO

(Looking at a clock. Annoyed.)

My God, Meg, maybe we should go wake up Beatrice again. I want her help.

MARGARET

(Playfully defiant throughout. )

She'll be along soon enough. In the meantime, I think your other dress would be better.

HERO

(Nervous and snapping throughout.)

No, Meg, I'll wear this.

MARGARET

In truth, it's not so good; and I bet your cousin will say so.

HERO

My cousin's an idiot, and you are another: I'll wear none but this.

MARGARET

Well, I like that one well enough, I suppose, if your hair were a little browner; and your dress is such a...rare fashion.

HERO

God give me joy to wear it! Since it seems my heart is super heavy.

MARGARET

(Suggestively)

It'll be heavier soon with the weight of a man.

HERO

(Blushing furiously at MEG'S suggestion.)

Margaret! Have you no shame?

MARGARET

(Still toying with HERO)

Of what? Of saying the truth? Is not love honourable in a beggar? Is not your man honourable without love? I think you would have me speaking of husbands and wives but: if speaking badly lets out the truth then it can offend no one. Now, is there any harm in being the heavier with the weight of a man?

HERO hesitates, clearly trying to contradict MEG.

MARGARET (CONT)

None, I think, especially if it's the right man and the right woman; otherwise the love would be light and not heavy.

MEG becomes slightly more serious. HERO looks like she is about to ask about that when MEG puts on a beaming smile and looks to the door. BEATRICE is standing there, looking sick and exceedingly hung over.

MARGARET (CONT)

Let's ask Beatrice! Who is...here.

HERO

(Concerned for BEATRICE.)

Good morning, cousin.

BEATRICE

(Drained of energy throughout. )

Good morning, Hero.

HERO

What's wrong? Are you sick?

BEATRICE

I think I might have no other choice in the matter.

MARGARET

(Provoking BEATRICE, which works almost instantly. )

Your choice seems to be to clap into "Light of Love". Come! You sing it and I'll dance it.

BEATRICE

You would speak light of love, with your heels up in the air half the time.

MARGARET

Are you insinuating something? Are you suddenly very knowledgeable in the affairs of love?

BEATRICE

(Trying to change the subject. )

It's time you were ready, Hero. As for me, I am very sick.

MARGARET

For a hawk, a horse, or a husband?

BEATRICE

You are an ass, what do you mean?

MARGARET

Me? Nothing. Just that God sends everyone their heart's desire.

HERO

(Trying to stir the conversation elsewhere. )

Claudio sent me these

Holds up several trinkets

HERO(CONT)

One of them is an excellent perfume.

BEATRICE

I am stuffed up, cousin; I cannot smell.

MARGARET

A good young lady and stuffed! That's one way to catch a cold!

BEATRICE

Oh, God help me! God help me! how long have you had a working brain?

MARGARET

Even since you left it. Doesn't it look good on me?

BEATRICE

It is not seen enough, you should hide it in that hair of yours.

MARGARET

(Smiling knowingly)

Anyway...you should get some of this Cardus Benedictus and keep it close, it's the only thing for your illness.

HERO

(Whispering to MARGARET)

Meg! Now you're just teasing her!

BEATRICE

(Trying to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. )

Benedictus! Why Benedictus? You have some secret meaning in this Benedictus.

MARGARET

Secret meaning! No; I meant, plain holy-thistle. I think, you think that I think that you are in love. Yet I am not such a fool to think or even believe that you will be in love or that you even can be in love. Still...Benedict, was another like you and now he's become more of a man: he swore he would never fall in love and now, despite it all, he eats his meat and does not complain about it. And even now, I look at you and I don't know how it would be possible to convert you but I believe you might just look like other women do!

BEATRICE

What is it with the speed of your tongue?

MARGARET

Well, it's not a false gallop.

She looks out the window and notices people starting to arrive. She notices CLAUDIO, PEDRO and JOHN arriving. CLAUDIO still looks drunk but the other two look deathly sober.

MARGARET (CONT)

Oh look! They're here! Claudio, Pedro, John...

HERO looks nervous and freezes on the spot. BEATRICE joins MARGARET at the window, trying-and failing- to look uninterested. After a few more people come in, BENEDICT stumbles in. He looks generally clean and tidy but is evidently hung over and attempting to not look like it. He stumbles to the stand with drinks and is about to reach for a drink when he thinks better of it and just grabs a water instead. MARGARET elbows BEATRICE, who rolls her eyes at her and quickly disappears to change. MARGARET takes HERO by the arm and leads her out of her room, laughing all the way.

**EXT. LEONATO'S BACKYARD. CONTINUOUS.**

LEONATO is greeting people coming in. DOGBERRY and VERGES come stumbling up the block. They stop and awkwardly salute LEONATO as they reach him. LEONATO will be in a hurry to leave them and go inside throughout.

LEONATO

Good afternoon, do you need something?

DOGBERRY

Yes, sir, I would have some confidence with you that decerns you nearly.

LEONATO

All right. Be quick about it, I am very busy.

DOGBERRY

Yes, this is it, sir.

VERGES

Yes, in truth it is, sir.

LEONATO

What is it?

DOGBERRY

Mr. Verges here, sir, speaks very little of what is important: an old man, sir, and his wits are not so much with him anymore; but in truth, he is as honest as the skin between his brows.

VERGES

Yes, I thank God I am as honest as any man living, at least an old man and not any more honest than me.

DOGBERRY

Comparisons are odorous, Verges.

LEONATO

You are tedious.

A few moments of silence go by, when it is obvious neither DOGBERRY nor VERGES understand what is going on.

LEONATO (CONT)

I would now know what you have to say.

VERGES

Oh right, sir, our watch tonight, without your worship's presence, have taken a pair of as dirty criminals as any in Messina.

DOGBERRY

(To LEONATO)

A good old man, sir; he will be talking: as they say, when the age is in, the wit is out: God help us!

(To VERGES)

Well said, Verges: now, God's a good man; and when two men ride a horse, one must ride behind. You are an honest man, in faith, but as honest as any one who ever broke bread; but God is to be worshipped, and all men are not made alike.

LEONATO

Indeed, he comes too short of you.

DOGBERRY

Gifts that God gives.

LEONATO

I have to go.

DOGBERRY

One word, sir: our watch, sir, did indeed comprehended two aspicious persons, and we would have them this morning questioned before your worship.

LEONATO

Take their examination yourself and bring it to me: I am now in a hurry, as it might be obvious to you.

DOGBERRY

It shall be suffigance.

LEONATO

Have something to drink before you go.

LEONATO disappears inside. VERGES is about to follow him when DOGBERRY grabs him by the collar and stops him. He turns VERGES around and pushes him away from the house.

DOGBERRY

Go get Francis Seacole; tell him to bring his pen and paper: we are now to examination these men.

VERGES starts heading off in one direction but DOGBERRY catches up to him and points him in a different direction. DOGBERRY heads in the opposite direction, only to turn around shortly and follow VERGES.

**EXT. LEONATO'S BACKYARD. CONTINUOUS.**

PEDRO, JOHN and CLAUDIO are standing in LEONATO'S GARDEN. The place has been decorated as if for a semi formal event. BENEDICT is standing by the shade of a tree, holding a bottle of water to his brow and looking pale and sick. CLAUDIO looks similarly pale but is also enraged. PEDRO looks serious and keeps stealing looks toward JOHN. JOHN is holding a water bottle of his own, looking serious but slightly pleased with himself. LEONATO waves at PEDRO enthusiastically but PEDRO does not return the greeting. LEONATO looks mildly upset but crosses paths with HERO, who is practically pushed out the door by MEG. HERO looks slightly embarrassed but laughs anyway. LEONATO guides her quietly toward CLAUDIO, who still looks bitter. Behind MEG, BEATRICE comes out. Looking sickly but making an effort. She haphazardly makes her way to the table with drinks and picks up a bottle of water. She turns to scan the crowd and sees BENEDICT. They both stare, looking more than a little dumbfounded and embarrassed. Eventually BENEDICT looks down and makes his way over to BEATRICE. As he approaches her, the scene begins to change to a deserted street from the previous night.

**EXT. STREET. NIGHT. PREVIOUS NIGHT.**

BENEDICT'S water bottle turns into an actual drink bottle and BEATRICE goes from standing shyly next to a table to being half slumped over SEACOLE and OTECAKE. BENEDICT, despite being fairly drunk himself, shakes off the two watchmen and tries to help BEATRICE out himself. She looks up at him and tries to step away forcefully from him. BENEDICT insists on hanging on, at which point BEATRICE becomes confrontational and very angry.

BEATRICE

Just...lemme go!

BENEDICT

(Letting go and watching her slump to the ground.)

I just...wanna...help.

BEATRICE

(Incensed)

You've helped enough over the years, thanks.

BENEDICT

What's that supposed to mean?

BEATRICE

It means you can just go. I don't...I just...

BENEDICT leans over and helps her up. He lets her go as soon as she catches her balance. He looks genuinely concerned for her.

BEATRICE (CONT)

Why are you being like this?

BENEDICT

Like what?

BEATRICE

Like this.

BENEDICT

You mean nice?

BEATRICE shakes her hand as if to say yes. She stumbles again and when BENEDICT moves to help her she flails him away. BENEDICT himself stumbles and when he turns back to BEATRICE he is obviously angry.

BENEDICT (CONT)

What is wrong with you? I am trying to help you get home! Why do you always have to be-

BEATRICE

A what?

BENEDICT takes a deep breath and tries to walk away. BEATRICE is beyond control and goes after him and grabs him and turns him around. BENEDICT is very obviously now angry.

BEATRICE (CONT)

A what?

BENEDICT

Fine, you want to do this?

BEATRICE

A what?

BENEDICT

A bitch!

BEATRICE

(Mocking)

Now was that so hard? I do have one question though.

She doesn't wait for BENEDICT to respond.

BEATRICE (CONT)

What game are you playing at lately? I've seen you all cleaned up and quiet. D'you think I can fall for a trick like that easily? What-What is it with you? Why do you...what? Just...torture me?

BENEDICT

Beatrice, you're drunk.

BEATRICE

So are you!

BENEDICT

I just thought-

BEATRICE

There's some news...you thinking-

BENEDICT

You know what? Forget it...

BEATRICE

That's right! Walk away! You're good at that.

BENEDICT

Are you sure you want to do this now?

BEATRICE

You started it.

BENEDICT

I'm only trying to help! You...you...

BEATRICE laughs and tries to walk away, BENEDICT grabs BEATRICE by the shoulders, hard so she won't move. He takes a deep breath and lets her go. BENEDICT takes a swig of his drink.

BENEDICT (CONT)

You really don't understn'd...I'm..trying?

BEATRICE

Was that a question?

BENEDICT

(Frustrated)

God above! You really don't realize what you're doin' to me?

Start "50 Ways to Say Goodbye" by Train.

BENEDICT

(Singing throughout)

_My heart is paralyzed_

_My head was oversized_

_I'll take the high road like I should_

_You said it's meant to be_

_That it's not you, it's me_

_You're leaving now for my own good_

_That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say_

_She went down in an airplane_

_Fried getting suntanned_

_Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand_

_Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!_

_She met a shark under water_

_Fell and no one caught her_

_I returned everything I ever bought her_

_Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies_

_And ways to say you died_

BEATRICE

(Singing throughout)

_My pride still feels the sting_

_You were my everything_

_Some day I'll find a love like yours (a love like yours)_

Acknowledging the awkwardness of the lyrics.

_She'll think I'm Superman_

_Not super minivan_

_How could you leave on Yom Kippur?_

(To BENEDICT)

_That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say_

_She was caught in a mudslide_

_Eaten by a lion_

_Got run over by a crappy purple Scion_

_Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!_

_She dried up in the desert_

_Drowned in a hot tub_

_Danced to death at an east side night club_

_Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies_

_And ways to say you died_

BENEDICT

_I wanna live a thousand lives with you_

BEATRICE

_I wanna be the one you're dying to love..._

BOTH

_But you don't want to_

BENEDICT

_That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say_

BEATRICE

_That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say_

_She went down in an airplane_

BENEDICT

_Fried getting suntanned_

BEATRICE

_Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand_

_Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!_

BENEDICT

_She met a shark under water_

BEATRICE

_Fell and no one caught her_

BENEDICT

_I returned everything I ever bought her_

_Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies_

BEATRICE

_She was caught in a mudslide_

BENEDICT

_Eaten by a lion_

BEATRICE

_Got run over by a crappy purple Scion_

_Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!_

BENEDICT

_She dried up in the desert_

BEATRICE

_Drowned in a hot tub_

BENEDICT

_Danced to death at an east side night club_

_Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies_

_And ways to say you died_

Music ends. By the end, BENEDICT and BEATRICE are back to standing in front of each other. They say nothing as they stare at one another. Eventually their drunkenness gets the better of them and they topple a little. BENEDICT smiles drunkenly and BEATRICE shakes her head but is more amused than anything else. BENEDICT puts his arm around BEATRICE and they start walking toward LEONATO'S HOUSE. It's only down the block and they manage to make it in one piece. When they reach the door, BEATRICE attempts to disentangle herself from BENEDICT but makes little progress as he playfully refuses to let her go. She laughs at first but after a few attempt she shoots him an annoyed look. BENEDICT takes a deep breath and lets her go, holding up his hands in defeat. BEATRICE smiles and puts her hand up to his cheek, after a second she slaps him playfully. She turns as best as she can and walks back inside. BENEDICT smiles to himself and starts walking back, taking a couple more slugs from his drink.

Follow BENEDICT as the scene begins to change around him. His drink becomes the water bottle once more and his drunken staggering becomes a hungover shuffle over to BEATRICE. As he reaches her there is an awkward moment were neither know how to react. BENEDICT eventually taps BEATRICE'S water bottle with his own. She barely reacts but attempts a weak smile as she obviously struggles with embarrassment and sickness. BENEDICT moves to take a hold of BEATRICE'S hand and say something when CLAUDIO's screaming makes them both turn toward a quickly escalating commotion.

CLAUDIO

No, Leonato! And what should I give you back in payment for this-

He points disdainfully at HERO. Who looks confused and on the verge of tears.

CLAUDIO (Cont)

... "rich gift"

PEDRO

Nothing, unless you give her back.

CLAUDIO

Sir, you show me well. There, Leonato-

He shoves HERO extremely hard toward LEONATO, who just barely catches her.

CLAUDIO (Cont)

take her back again. She is nothing more than the image of decency! Look how she blushes! Wouldn't you swear that she's an innocent by how she looks? But I swear to you, she is not! She knows all about deception and depravity! Her blushing is out of guilt, not innocence!

LEONATO

What do you mean?

CLAUDIO

Not to stand here, or anywhere else, with her anymore. Not to be associated with the town whore!

LEONATO

Claudio, please! If you two, after a few drinks, ever-

CLAUDIO

No, Leonato, I never even proposed anything of the sort! I was never anything but perfectly decent!

HERO

(Understandably mortified.)

And did I ever seem anything other than decent to you?

LEONATO

(Turning to PEDRO, who stands behind CLAUDIO, fully approving.)

Aren't you going to say something?

PEDRO

What would I say? I'm embarassed that I went around approving of the match between my friend and a common stale.

LEONATO

(Looking at HERO and becoming angry.)

This is a nightmare.

JOHN

(Attempting to sound sincere.)

Sir, this is no dream. All this is true.

CLAUDIO

(Glaring at HERO but addressing her father.)

Leonato, let me ask your daughter just one question: Hero, who was the man you were with at the bar last night?

HERO

I wasn't with any man last night.

PEDRO

(After CLAUDIO takes a step toward her, looking like he's about to punch her. PEDRO steps infront of CLAUDIO, but still looks threateningly at HERO.)

Leonato, I'm sorry you have to hear this but, on my honor, my brother, Claudio and myself saw her, even heard her last night at the bar. She was with a man and he has, very freely, shared the details of how they've met a thousand times in many other places before-

JOHN

(Pretending to be deeply disturbed by the idea of what his brother is suggesting.)

Come on, Pedro, you really shouldn't repeat what we were told. It would be an offence to the language.

Looks at HERO and smiles creepily.

JOHN (Cont)

I am sorry, young lady, for your...misgovernment.

PEDRO puts his hand on JOHN'S shoulder and he backs down. PEDRO, CLAUDIO and JOHN walk out, leaving the gate to the yard open.

HERO looks pale and like she's going to be sick. LEONATO looks shocked but as soon as he turns toward HERO he looks livid. LEONATO grabs HERO roughly by the arm and drags her toward the open gate. BEATRICE tries to get him to let go but he pushes her back. BENEDICT immediately steps in and holds LEONATO from behind. HERO struggles to get loose but LEONATO refuses to loosen his grip. BENEDICT manages to hold LEONATO tight enough that he let's go of HERO.

LEONATO turns and tries to punch BENEDICT. BENEDICT steps back just in time. HERO, in the meantime, has gone from looking shocked, to determined as she catches a glimpse of CLAUDIO and PEDRO at the end of the park in front of LEONATO'S HOUSE. As LEONATO begins to move toward her again, BENEDICT once again holds him back. HERO begins to run to catch up to CLAUDIO and as she steps off the curb a pickup runs into her, having no time to stop. BEATRICE screams and runs to HERO, who is unconscious.

BENEDICT lets go of LEONATO and runs to help BEATRICE. LEONATO sinks down were he stands. Across the park, CLAUDIO turns when he hears the screeching of breaks. He makes a move to go back but JOHN holds him back and shakes his head no. PEDRO steps up to help his brother drag CLAUDIO away, who begins to struggle to try and run back.

Pan back to HERO lying on the pavement, still unconscious. BEATRICE is holding her head carefully as BENEDICT is calling for an ambulance. LEONATO has stood up and walked over, looking numbly down at his daughter and niece. In the distance an AMBULANCE can be heard.

Start "Give me Novacaine" by Green Day.

As the first beats of the song start, the ambulance arrives and two PARAMEDICS get out. Everything slows down and all audio except for the song is unheard. BEATRICE stands to the side, blood on her hands. BENEDICT stands next to her protectively. The PARAMEDICS lift HERO on to a stretcher and as we follow it we see that HERO is now standing to the side looking on in total shock.

HERO

(Singing throughout.)

_Take away the sensation inside_

_Bittersweet migraine in my head_

HERO opens her eyes and now she stands in the far corner in the ER. Her UNCONSCIOUS SELF rolls past her, followed by BEATRICE and BENEDICT, who are stopped at the door by a nurse.

_It's like a throbbing toothache of the mind_

_I can't take this feeling anymore_

DOCTOR

(Singing)

_Drain the pressure from the swelling,_

HERO

(Singing. As she looks down at herself in shock.)

_This sensation's overwhelming,_

_Give me a long kiss goodnight_

_And everything will be alright_

_Tell me that I won't feel a thing_

_So give me Novacaine_

**Change to a ROOM IN THE HOSPITAL. **

UNCONSCIOUS HERO is lying in a bed. BENEDICT, BEATRICE and LEONATO stand around her looking shocked. Obviously some time has passed since they have all changed clothes. HERO is standing behind them, now looking more curious and stealing glances at BEATRICE.

HERO

_Out of body and out of mind_

_Kiss the demons out of my dreams_

_I get the funny feeling and that's alright_

_Jimmy says it's better than here,_

_I'll tell you why_

_Drain the pressure from the swelling,_

_This sensation's overwhelming,_

_Give me a long kiss goodnight_

_And everything will be alright_

_Tell me that I won't feel a thing_

_So give me Novacaine_

BENEDICT, BEATRICE and LEONATO leave the room. Things speed up and several days go by. We can see BENEDICT and BEATRICE come and go several times and LEONATO sitting in a chair by the bed on a few occasions. HERO begins to look bored and walks around poking at the equipment. The occasional NURSE and DOCTOR come through but no one notices HERO.

When the last of the CHORUS begins, UNCONSCIOUS HERO begins to twitch as does HERO in the corner. As the song ends, HERO opens her eyes, looking confused. HERO is alone in the room.

HERO

_Drain the pressure from the swelling,_

_This sensation's overwhelming,_

_Give me a long kiss goodnight_

_And everything will be alright_

_Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing_

_So give me Novacaine_

Fade Out.


End file.
